“Look at this morose motherfucker right here.”
–Jay, Chasing Amy (Kevin Smith 1997)
It was either that or I took an Eminem lyric and did the whole “look who’s back” thing and let’s just be honest, anyone who was familiar with my happy ass back when this site originally went on-and-then-off line isn’t going to believe there’s one goddamn thing slim about me. Take that as you will.
That’s right, it’s been a long time but the Boozy Barrister, who these days is more often found in the form of a large and surly sentient cartoon badger, has crawled back out of whatever deep hole he fell into. It’s been a while, and while I could tell you why Lawyers & Liquor stopped having even the most cursory of updates and then quickly went offline as some really long, involved, and dramatic tale it really comes down to one thing: money. Cash. Cold hard moolah. The green stuff that most people have in their wallets but not me because I live in the 21st Century and if I’m gonna get robbed it’s going to be digitally, baby. Not that the site was costing too much to keep up – although let’s be honest since it was always more of a vanity project than anything else it did essentially turn into a money-sucking set of hosting fees in place because I refused harder than a January 6, 2020 Republican to let go of things – but more the fact that the pandemic (which would have been around the last time you and I spoke in any long form written format) kicked my jurisprudential ass all over the place.
I’ve Been Creatively as Lazy as a Hound Dog Sleeping in the August Shade.
“But Boozy,” I hear you say, “you remained active on social media! You did Twitch streams! You started focusing more on the podcast! Surely you couldn’t have been that busy!”
To that I say “Yeah, have you paid absolutely any attention to how often I updated any of those things between 2019 and 2023? Cause it wasn’t fucking much.” Although, to be fair, the podcast (Boozy’s Legal Funhouse, on most of the podcasting platforms and, while with an ostensible schedule of twice a month, has turned into “whenever the other host and I can sit down we’re trying for once a month but that requires someone to stop trotting the goddamn globe sampling all of the world’s finest inebriants and actually record) has seen a bit more growth since I took it from esoteric legal discussions amongst lawyers to telling my friend and frequent performing partner – Alkali Bismuth (it’s a stage name, get used to that shit, we’re basically the Bolshevik Revolution of secret names these days) – about a basic legal principle by discussing some lawsuit I dug up. In the past couple years, in addition to the recordings we manage over whatever communication technology we use to record at a distance, we managed to take the show on the road and do recordings live at multiple events. Other than that, though, there hasn’t been much going on.
Of Course, I am Still a Cartoon Badger.
I say events. I should just be more frank: Furry conventions. I’m recording live episodes of a legal podcast at furry conventions. Because, if you were one of the Barrister friends back when I was merely a sentient whiskey glass, you need to know that whole fucking thing is still going on. Not only is it still going on, it’s become a thing where a few times a year (on average about once a month, depending on the year) I haul ass to some random hotel and give talks and comedy performances to rooms full of people wearing fox ears still.
Don’t you judge me, you pricks. This has been good for me in many ways beyond just “I get to be weird.” For instance, this whole thing has, in a really roundabout way, led to a huge shift in my career and mental health. What’s that, you’re literally begging to know what I mean? Well…
I’m no longer in private practice.
When this site first became a thing, back in those halcyon days prior to the first Trump presidency, it was the creation of a really depressed and angry attorney who was struggling to keep his head above the water in the world of shit law. By which, I mean, an overworked guy who spent way too much time in the office chasing invoices and representing people for slim margins in an economically depressed area of the country. And the last time we all got together here and talked, that’s where I still was.
Shortly after the last post on the old version of this experiment in literary diarrhea the COVID-19 Pandemic went into full swing, and it basically stayed that way for a couple years. We lost our office staff – both poached for higher salaries and more stable work by larger firms or (in a flattering case) by a lead government lawyer in cases we regularly handled because we had trained them well. The office whittled itself down to two lawyers – the dude whose name was on the door and me. That’s it. No support staff, no help, and given that the dude whose name was on the door came in at eleven in the morning and left at three and only handled one type of case that nobody needed during the pandemic, nobody else in practice if not in theory. For a couple years, I was the person doing everything from intake to resolution, including answering the phones, making the copies, balancing the books, and taking out the trash. I became attorney, lead counsel, secretary, paralegal, runner, and janitor in addition to serving as some light tech support from time to time. Unfortunately, none of this came with an increase in my salary because, you know, pandemic and less cases.
So in 2022 a buddy of mine suggested that I look into transferring from the world of private practice into the world of public service by joining the ranks of the general counsel’s office – essentially the civil attorneys that serve the executive agencies of the government. So I shot off my resume and cover letter, having been told a specific agency had a shortage of litigation and trial guys in their regional office in my area, and after two very quick interviews I had the agency’s chief counsel call to offer me a position that paid more with better benefits, better hours, a single client, and – most importantly – a pension that would actually let my ass retire one day. I leapt on that shit and, after giving the firm thirty days to prepare for me fucking off down the Yellow Brick Road towards Bureaucracy City, I went out the door and took the position.
To say it’s worked out well is an understatement. We’re a little under three years into the position at this point, and already I’ve gotten a substantial promotion, three significant raises, about four minor ones, and am considered one of – if not the – senior attorney in the office other than the assistant chief that runs our ragtag little group. I’m treated as a colleague and a professional, and goddammit it’s just nice to have the hard work recognized. I feel like a beaten dog (badger?) that finally got taken into a loving home – while at first scared of just about everything because I feared the proverbial kick in the ribs of a drunken and abusive owner, once I realized they just wanted to rub my belly and tell me I’m a good boy I became aware not every legal career is fraught with depression, anger, and drunk ramblings.
It’s been an adjustment to say the least.
“How does this have anything to do with furries,” you ask. “You said another attorney suggested you apply.”
Yeah, that’s the fun part. See, the other attorney is someone I went to law school with, and we were in a study group and social group together, but after law school we hadn’t been in close contact. Like, we spoke, but not regularly and not frequently. Until, of course, he advised me that he had become aware of the Boozy Barrister/Boozy Badger because his social circle of particular interests included a few members of the furry fandom who had forwarded him my shit. And he slowly became absorbed into the furry fandom himself, which led to us talking more. That, then, is what led to me getting the advice to apply to this position while seated at a bar at a furry convention talking to an old law school classmate who had just taken off a giant german shepherd head.
Networking. It works.
So, Here’s What to Expect.
There’s going to be more about all of this in future posts as we start to reacquaint ourselves with each other. But what is there really to expect now if I’m not the angry guy talking about the practice of law that I once was?
Well, I mean, I’m still angry and profane, just not about my present employment situation. I’m more than a little pissed at the wholesale destruction of all legal norms over the last few years, and the fact that significant protections have been rolled back. I’m ready to start screaming about that.
I’m also concerned in a more general sense about the newer practitioners in the legal field who have never had the opportunity to be in the profession when everything wasn’t just…just completely in flames. So we’ll be doing some of those old profane “here are some things you just don’t do/do do” (heh…”doo doo”) posts that I used to do a lot of.
And of course, the practice of law itself is still both a profession steeped in misery and great reward, so that’ll still be a topic of discussion. As will legal news, basic legal concept primers, and yes that high-octane furry shit and discussions of the impact of legal matters on niche interests like BDSM and stuff because people seemed to like that.
BUT it’s gonna be a bit more this time. See, I DO more know. I perform, I podcast, I tell bad jokes, and that’s a part of this too. So expect to see some personal or comedic shit popping up with all of the other discussions. In short, this is going to not only be Lawyers & Liquor as we remember, but also a site for more stuff that I hope you’ll enjoy. Hell, my spouse may even pop in from time to time to grace us with some actual liquor-based content (my drink mixing skills consist of twisting the cap off the bourbon and lifting it to a 45 degree angle, they’re the actual pro). So I hope you enjoy the return and you find the new stuff entertaining.
And, you know, if you don’t? Feel free to fuck off. Nobody’s making you read any of this, it’s your own damn fault if you keep coming back after deciding it isn’t for you.
It’s good to be back, folks.
-Boozy