Welcome to the Wednesday, June 6, 2018 edition of Lawyers & Liquor, your home for the very best in profane commentary on a variety of legally related matters. I’m the Boozy Barrister, and you assholes need to stop taking yourselves so goddamn seriously.
Turn the fuck back now. I’m warning you.
Continue reading “Stop Being a Reptilian Overlord – Lawyers Can Be Human”
So I was gonna spend some time today on the whole “1L Guidance” thing again, but you know when life reaches up and smacks you around a little? That happened Friday evening as I was preparing to go out and be the Amazing Dancing Badger for a group of furries in Connecticut over the last weekend. This time, the dose of reality came in the form of a link from the super-secret LawyerSlack, a place where attorneys gather…you know, like a Bar Association meeting but with less liquor and pretentiousness. Someone posted an article about a Connecticut Councilman from the town of New Milford who “voluntarily resigned” after his participation in a certain fandom – possibly one filled with large talking animals and a love of the movie Zootopia – became even more exposed than it had been before.
And, because I’m not a goddamn fan of hypocrisy, let’s talk about this shit.
Continue reading “New Milford Hates Fetishes: Politics, Optics, and Fetishes”
I want to preface this whole thing by explaining something about attorneys in general: we like to think a little experience goes a long way. A lawyer with no experience in a particular area of law, but a willingness to learn it, will take a small case in that area. We’ll do all the research and learning to be barely competent, and going forward we’re confident that we now know that area of law. “Yes,” we’ll confidently tell people that ask us, “I’ve handled those cases before! I know what to expect!”
It was in this spirit that I went to FurtheMore back in April. Everyone had told me Anthrocon was essentially the fucking Super Bowl of furries, and it may be good for me to at least go to a couple exhibition games in advance. So, when FurtheMore made the offer to show a lawyer around their fandom, I accepted and had a great time! So I was confident. I had been to a furry convention. I knew what to expect. I was ready.
…I was not ready.
I was amazingly not-fucking-ready.
Oh my god was I not ready.
I was so not ready that, guys, no shit…I’m gonna have to talk about Anthrocon in two fucking posts this week, with Film Friday (an exploration of lawyers in the media) being my review of Brian Cuban’s new book on addiction and the legal profession.
Which essentially means I’ll be posting about two days of drinking with giant animal people, then spend a day talking about the crippling addiction issues faced by my colleagues.
Continue reading “A Fully Functioning Furry Fiefdom: Anthrocon, Part 1.”
Alright folks, it’s feeding time at the zoo with the first official Furry Friday.
A few notes before I get the ball rolling today. I’ll be appearing tomorrow at Furthemore 2017 to do an adults-only Q & A tomorrow night. I expect you all to be there and to bring questions that appropriately let me tell rambling stories filled with sauce and booze. Failure to do so will result in me simply reading War and Peace on stage for an hour and a half.
Now that’s out of the way, let’s cut into the meat of today’s fucked up foray into the furry fandom. So, earlier this week I was sitting around thinking about a post topic that brought up the perfect intersection of furries and law. There were a lot of suggestions, from “fursuit contracts” all the way down to a forensic examination of the “Boomer the Dog” name change issue, but I decided, based on the amount of love you assholes were pouring into my inbox and my direct messages, to take a look at some legal situations experienced by actual furries.
Each and every thing we’re going to look at today is an actual issue that has been faced by a furry in the past, which has implicated their participation in the furry fandom. These are all drawn from actual furries. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent, because none of your motherfuckers are innocent (Dudes…I found your hdtubemovies porn collection), but I’ve excluded them nonetheless.
So, without further adieu, let’s look at how the fuck furries are getting fucked because they’re furries, okay?
I am such a glutton for punishment. Last week I wrote about the furries, and now I’m speaking at a furry convention next week. My Twitter feed has been taken over by animals. Someone’s making a fucking fursuit. This is my life now. Seriously. This is my life now.
But it got me thinking: maybe I should make this a thing? I’m already locked into giving the furries (who are great fucking people by the way) one post a month focusing specifically on their legal issues, which we will call “Furry Friday” and will be doing on the last Friday of each month. Why not dive into some other shit on Fridays that nobody else in the blawgosphere is really talking about?
Hence what I am now calling “Fetish Friday,” the first installment of which is today and which will continue until morale improves in general. Fetishes are becoming more and more popular, or we’re just hearing about them more, but either way, they play a big role in sexual fantasies. Sites like https://www.teentuber.xxx/ have pages and pages of categories thanks to different fetishes so I thought I would dive right into them and find out what all the fuss is about. A new topic will be discussed on the third Friday of every month…which is today. And today, today I want to talk about something I read about on Twitter:
Master Slave Contracts. Because I fucking love contracts, and the fact these fucking things exist just blew my tiny little mind right the fuck away.
So, that said, let’s chat.
Continue reading “Fetish Friday: Not Bound to Be Bound – Master/Slave Contracts”