Freaky Friday: The Westfield Watcher Is Not A Material Defect

Welcome back to Freaky Friday here on Lawyers & Liquor, where the crypt door to the unholy filing room has swung open and the little ghosties and ghoulies from all over have crept out to serve summons in the dead of night.  I’m your ghost host, the BOO-zy Barrister, here to talk about the creepy, paranormal, and downright weird areas of law that others seem to forget exist.  Or at least don’t mention, because as we learned about in the past, there’s a lot of stuff in law that we’re not going to tell you about when we’re taking on your case.  Like the fact that lawyers are essentially modern day vampires who suck your blood, but we don’t wear capes (okay, everyone except that one legal aid guy, but he’s a little strange and nobody sits next to him at bar functions anymore.)

Is that really an issue, though?  Not telling people shit? I mean, it’s like the biggest horror movie trope there is.  You don’t tell someone that the amulet you left them in your will is haunted by a demon that comes out at night to anally assault you without lube.  You fail to mention the cemetery that got paved over so your new house could be built on top of it.  Maybe you leave off the part about the family of stalkers that’s been watching your house for the last several generations and sends you letters demanding that you feed the home “young blood.”  It’s a trope, right?

You know, except for that last one.

That last one totally fucking happened in real life.

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Freaky Friday: Cadaver Law – Grandma’s Corpse is Court Property

When the crypt doors creak and the tombstones quake, ghost come out for a swinging infringement of Disney’s copyright on the lyrics of this song.

That’s right guys, it’s time to swing open the mausoleum and take a trip down the weird world of the legal and illegal. It’s Freaky Friday here on Lawyers & Liquor, and this month we’re going to talk about the unique legal status of the human cadaver.

…I get the feeling a few of you will find this information important, and immediately afterwards will call off work to go “take care of something” in the basement.

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“Turtles Ain’t People”: The Law and Pets, Part 1

Everyone have a nice holiday? Awesome. Glad that could happen. Now button up the top button on your shirt, tighten your tie, and hunker down in the cubicle of sorrow you’ve built around your desk with old files. The weekend’s over, and we got a couple months before the next day off rolls around to make us feel like humans again, it’s time to start being the faithful servant of all the assholes that can’t add two and two together without somehow making it equal “banana.”

Speaking of faithful servants, today I want to talk about pets. Pets, as in animals, dogs, cats, hamsters, snakes…though anyone keeping a cold-blooded killing machine and calling it a pet might as well just adopt a lawyer and get it the fuck over with. Pets are wonderful things to have. They love you unconditionally, they don’t care if you spend entire nights sitting around eating an entire ice cream cake on your own in your underwear while quietly sobbing about the condition your life is in. Pets are just happy that you give them a little food and scratch them behind the ears every now and again, except for cats, which can only be happy when your body is cold and stiff in the bed so the feasting may begin. Yeah, all in all, pets are fucking awesome.

Unless they happen to be at the center of a legal dispute that you’ve been hired to help resolve. Then they are little balls of satanic fur that you wish would just fucking die already so you can close the goddamn case file and get on with doing real lawyer shit that doesn’t involve trying to determine the appropriate custody arrangement for a fucking chihuahua.

So this will be part of a three (or more) part series taking a look at how lawyers, owners, and clients need to view their pets in relation to the applicable laws. Today we take a look  at pets as property and what that means for the more financial aspects of legal practice.

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