Tag: InkedFur

InkedFur’s Furry Friday: Alcohol Safety At Conventions

Hey you filthy animals, how was the turkey? In the afterglow of Fat Thursday, it’s time for another round of InkedFur’s Furry Friday here on Lawyers & Liquor, which means that it’s time for me to cast off the “normal lawyer” routine and embrace the Badger as we cast open the kennel doors and start talking about an issue geared specifically towards the Furry Fandom. Before we get into that, though, you need to be aware that the folks over at InkedFur.com are offering 25% off dakimakuras this month for only the first 25 readers that go to their site and enter the super-secret code…which you’ll find at the end of this article!

Cool, so, this month’s article is definitely self-aware. Like, “totally woke” self-aware, because it’s coming a week before Midwest Fur Fest, a huge convention in Chicago, and it concerns a very specific type of convention safety. Namely, it concerns being safe with alcohol when you’re surrounded by thousands of unblinking fursuit eyes, and it’s geared towards the first-time attendee. Actually, I adapted this from a regular speech I give to high schoolers about safety right before they graduate, so, hey! You get to realize I’m like this all the time and not just with the furry horde that has assimilated me!

That said, without further ado, here’s the Furry Friday guide to Alcohol Safety at Cons.

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InkedFur’s Furry Friday: Fursuit Contracts, Pt. 2 – Kids Ruin Everything

My god, what’s this? Is it…could it be?  Yes, yes it is time to open up the kennel and spread wide all those SPHs, because it’s InkedFur.com’s Furry Friday on Lawyers & Liquor once again. Hold on, let me dig into my Closet of Shame and put on the badger head again before we get the ball rolling.

Alright, so, last time I really pissed some people off by talking about how every single one of you are idiots for the manner in which you do business in re the contracting for and payment for fursuits. I was advised, while enjoying a glass of “Don’t Give a Fuck,” that more than a few fursuit makers were upset because I suggested things like “progress payment plans.” The largest complaint I heard was “We have to make a living! That means  we need the money now to complete other projects and pay our expenses!”

Two things: 1) you’re running a business, maybe on the side but still a business, and you shouldn’t be counting on future funds to pay for past projects and 2) I get it. I really do. This shit isn’t inexpensive to do, and that’s why you need to be more careful about accepting commissions and maybe engaging in smaller work to build capital on the side and get a good reserve of money in before committing to doing this stuff for all or a majority of your income.  Businesses need start-up funding.  Trust me guys, solo lawyers run into the same damn problem all the time, and we do the same thing. Despite the product, your business model is not unique.

But today’s post is really for the fursuit makers and may piss off some of the other members of the fandom, and to that end I say: “Let me pour another glass of ‘Don’t Give a Fuck’ before I get rolling.” Because today? Today I’m going to tell all those awesome fursuit makers out there how letting anyone under the age of 18 order a fursuit from them is a really fucking bad idea business wise and legally.

You pricks done howling in outrage yet?

Awesome, let’s play fetch with your emotions.

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InkedFur’s Furry Friday – Fursuit Contracts: You’re all Morons (Part 1)

 

Funny story: On August 1st I was sitting on a porch in the mountains of Tennessee, reviewing the damage the bears had done the night before to the furniture. In the midst of it though, it hit me: I was on vacation and had forgotten to post the InkedFur.com Furry Friday post for the month of July (By the way, there’s a special code for you reprobates at the end of the post)! Those weren’t bears! Those were furries! Furries tracking me through the mountains to make me pay for forgetting about them! So, this month, in hopes you guys won’t come to my actual goddamn house, here’s a special mid-month edition of Furry Friday where we’re gonna start talking about a highly requested topic: Fursuit Contracts.

Holy shit, you little fucks suck at money. I mean, you guys make enough of it, a lot of you, and you invest it and shit, and I know for a goddamn fact that there are a lot of you out there who are good, responsible people with your cash in your day to day lives. But Jesus, for the past four months since I started doing these Furry Friday posts all I’ve fucking heard about is people wanting me to start talking about fursuit contracts. It seems like every goddamn time I open up Twitter, one of you is diving headfirst into my messages with a tale of how you gave hundreds or thousands of dollars to a creator only to wait years for someone to deliver a fursuit. You know. If the fursuit was ever delivered to begin with. I guess if your fursuit was never delivered, you may think about stop being a Furry…. Perhaps then you might want to consider watching a group of adults do the fandango in the nude, or maybe you’ll just wait longer for your fursuit and keep pursuing your fetish.

Then there’s all the salt over on the other side of the creative fence, where fursuit makers are contacting me and saying shit like “They did a chargeback, what can I do?” or “I shipped and they never paid,” or my new personal favorite: “Could you review my terms of service?”

Terms. of. Service.

…Jesus fucking christ on a pogo stick, my tiny lawyer heart withers a little more each day.

Oh, and let me clear:

Commissioners: I’m gonna piss you off today.

Fursuit Makers: I’m gonna piss you off, too.

Fuck it. You all goddamn well deserve it.

Also, let me be clear on one more thing: This isn’t the end. These fucking commission agreements and how these things are being done have more than one problem with them, and I’m gonna be coming back to this shit.

Today, though, I want to talk about what seems to be one of the biggest fucking sticking point I’m hearing about: Paying.

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InkedFur’s Furry Friday: In re Boomer The Dog (An Argument for Boomer)

Jesus christ, somebody call Animal Control, it’s InkedFur’s Furry Friday again here on Lawyers & Liquor. This means that as I’m writing this I have the strange and discomforting sensation that only comes from knowing there are a thousand fursuited eyes reading every word, never blinking…never blinking. While I’m recovering from that mental image, take a mosey over to my sponsor, InkedFur.com, and see what they have in stock for all you sick puppies.

So you may remember back when I first stepped into the steaming heap of dogshit that led me to interact with the furry fandom in the first place I watched a little documentary called Fursonas. There was a lot to unpack in that little show, but one character/person that stuck with me through it was Gary Guy Matthews, a/k/a “Boomer the Dog” . To put it politely, Boomer is…eccentric. He’s been all over the media, I’ve found, and generally speaking is a fully grown man who not only has developed a fursona, but lives the general life of a giant fucking dog. The guy has a fursuit that he made and maintains completely out of shredded paper. He said in an interview that he has a doghouse he sleeps in.

I gotta say, I’m both a little stranged out and filled with respect for the dedication that Boomer has here.

But the pinnacle of eccentricity comes back in 2010, when Boomer petitioned the Court of Common Pleas of Allegheny County to change his name legally from Gary Guy Matthews to Boomer the motherfucking Dog. The court, of course, said “What the hell?” and denied the name change. Boomer, however, appealed the matter to the intermediate appellate court, the Pennsylvania Superior Court, which then stood firmly behind the trial court on the matter and affirmed the denial of the name change.

I…well shit guys, I gotta say…I don’t really agree with the reasoning there.

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