Freaky Friday: Exorcists Can Get Beatific Immunity

[Yes. I know it’s Tuesday. Fucking roll with it, folks, I was busy last week.]

Holy hell, and I mean that much more literally than I normally do, it’s the second Friday of the month and that means it’s time for us to get a visit from an old priest and a young priest here on Lawyers and Liquor as we dance with the Devil for this month’s Freaky Friday! This month we’re going to talk about how The Exorcist isn’t just a movie that made split pea soup just about the most un-appetizing meal anyone could ever fucking offer you while causing an entire generation of sexual deviants to look at their crucifixes in a whole new light, but also about how the exorcists are a group of folks amazingly prone to liability as the case we’ll talk about this month prove it.

So strap in, gimme three Hail Mary’s, and call your mother to make sure she’s not sucking cocks in hell while we fight the powers of darkness that, in this case, are the ones trying to cast out the demons for Freaky Friday, our exploration of the weirder side of the law.

Continue reading “Freaky Friday: Exorcists Can Get Beatific Immunity”

Fetish Friday: Banging a Beagle Is Illegal (Zoophilia and the Law)

What’s that? Among the cries of “Please MORE” and “Oh DADDY” the alarm clock is going off deep in the dark basement dungeon letting me know it’s time to bring out the gimp for another installment of Fetish Friday here on Lawyers & Liquor. So clench those cheeks tight, get the riding crops ready, make sure all sex swings are firmly attached to load-bearing joists, and let’s lube up and dive down the rabbithole to take a look at all things perverted and just a little darkly exciting this month as we talk about “interspecies erotica” and the considerations and complications that may arise therefrom.

Now, before we go too deep into the legal ramifications of giving a dog a bone, I want to be absolutely and completely clear: many times in these posts I tend to refrain from moralizing with folks. Generally, my statement is “If everyone’s consenting, it’s not illegal, and nobody’s getting hurt, fucking have at. None of my goddamn business.” This post is special, though, because we need to be clear on a couple important points before I even start tossing the kitty litter around: (1) for the vast majority of the readers out there, the activity I’m talking about today is fucking illegal. You can and will be arrested for being involved with it; (2) I’m of the personal opinion that an animal which cannot affirmatively state consent to a sexual act in a recognizable language can’t consent to playing “knick knack paddywhack” with you; (3) people can be hurt during this activity, people can die during this activity, and both of those fucking things have definitely happened.  Given that the practice of beastiality and/or zoophilia involves an act that, when consumated, violates all of my “Big Three Don’t-Give-A-Fuck Requirements,” I’m gonna go on record to say the next part.

Don’t fuck your pets.

But illegal or legal, morally correct or incorrect, reprehensible or acceptable, this shit happens. So, to that end, we’re gonna go ahead and start talking about what happens when you believe your cat likes a little more than chicken and liver, and it ain’t Meow Mix you’re about to deliver.

Continue reading “Fetish Friday: Banging a Beagle Is Illegal (Zoophilia and the Law)”