We Are a Nation of Non-English Speaking Gay Refugees: Rambling on the Executive Order

I try not to be overtly political.  Anyone who reads this blog, or my Twitter, knows that I’m a liberal and I have no great fondness for the current administration.  Anyone who talks to me knows that I had high hopes the orange-tinted blowhard – who has been systematically rejected by the New York society he wished so desperately to join – would not be welcomed into the White House on a tide of nationalistic, protectionist, and isolationist sentiment.  Those who know me know that I sighed the night of the election, and I have sighed every day since.

However, despite all of that, I smile and say “I hope he does well, and I hope his presidency is a successful and prosperous one.” Because despite political or ideological affiliations, I’m an American first and foremost, and despite my misgivings about Mr. Trump I certainly do want good things to happen to this nation that I love.

Unfortunately, I’ve failed to realize that what I think of as “good things” are not the same things others think of as good.  Like welcoming all those to our shores who seek a better life, a will to work, and the desire to become as American as you or I.  I think that’s the bedrock of this great experiment, the “city on the hill” that Reagan spoke of, the poem on the base of the Statue of Liberty that overlooks the entryway into the very city that bred our current President: all those who wish to become a part of this dream, who wish to be a part of our country, who wish to make us smart and strong and profitable are welcome.

Apparently, Mr. Trump does not agree with me.

Continue reading “We Are a Nation of Non-English Speaking Gay Refugees: Rambling on the Executive Order”

Stop Talking Politics: How to Preserve the Art of Not Being a Douche

Alright, so we have a new President.  He’s not the one I, as a lifelong Democrat, would have chosen, but he exists and no amount of alternative facts are going to change the fact that he’s now sitting in the White House quietly contemplating how to give it a spray-tan that matches his own hue.  I accept this.  I accept this in the same way that I accept the fact cancer is a thing that happens, but I still accept it.  That’s not the purpose of this post today, bitching about the President.  I do that enough late at night in the confines of my house, scaring animals and small children as I howl out my anger in the attic.

This is about you fucktards who just can’t shut the fuck up about politics, and I mean all of you, from the Jill Stein lover in the Prius all the way up to the guy who thinks that Trump is the second coming of Jesus.  All of you have this problem with running off at the mouth over politics and doing it all the fucking time.  In the break room, at the lunch table, waiting outside of court…and, importantly, in front of your fucking clients.

You’re a lawyer, dipshit, not a political analyst.  Cut it the fuck out.

Besides, you’re gonna lose some fucking clients if you don’t.

Continue reading “Stop Talking Politics: How to Preserve the Art of Not Being a Douche”

I, For One, Welcome Our Reptilian Overlords

It’s official.  This election year is like a bad science fiction television show. I keep waiting for the part where the candidates remove their realistic flesh masks and reveal themselves as Lizard People.  For the record, if (when) this fuckin’ occurs, I for one, welcome our reptilian overlords.

Think that’s a crazy concept?  More or less crazy than conspiracy theorists pandering to the supporters of a major presidential candidate by stating there is a federal protocol in place to simulate an alien invasion?  I ask, because we all know someone’s reclusive uncle or grandmother who never quite got over the unquestioned trust of Edward R. Murrow is totally going to post the following on Facebook as proof that Hillary Clinton is the harbinger of the apocalypse:

Done watching four minutes of batshit insanity?  Great.  Knock back a slug of your drink of choice, take my sweaty, oversized hand, and let’s travel down this batshit filled rabbit hole together, shall we?

Continue reading “I, For One, Welcome Our Reptilian Overlords”