An Open Letter To My Neighbor About Their Fireworks

Dear Neighbor,

Hello.  You probably know me as the pissed off looking guy with a cane you tend to see furtively smoking cigarettes in his porch chair while wearing a suit in the late evening hours.  You often may ask yourself “why is he always wearing a suit” and “why do I never see him before 7 p.m. at night?”  The answer to that question is that I’m an attorney, and I tend to get up pretty early in the morning to head to my office.  I also only really return home at night after all my work is done.  You see, it isn’t that I’m not sociable, it’s just that I’m tired and those early evening hours, when I’m sitting on the porch and enjoying a glass of whiskey and some nicotine, are about the only quiet moments I get in a life full of kids, dogs, and legal bullshit from other people in the area.

And that’s sort of why I want to talk to you today, because, see, getting up early in the morning and shit tends to mean that I go to bed early at night.  Like, not at 7:30 p.m. or something, but at a respectable hour. You know, maybe 9:30 or 10:00.  Not “Grandma’s bed time” but not too far off.  Early to bed and early to rise and all that.  Except, lately, I’ve been finding it to be hard to get to sleep at night.  Because it’s summer, and you’ve found out the fireworks stands are open.

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