Stop Using a Thesaurus: Boozy’s Briefing Tips

Let’s talk about briefs, baby/Let’s talk about Rule 12(b)!

Once again, there’s a reason lawyer don’t write song lyrics. Mainly because we’re incapable of processing actual humor past a certain point in our career and end up telling jokes that include Latin phrases and case names. Jesus, we’re a boring lot of assholes when you get right down to it, aren’t we? Mostly because of the shit we have to put up with on a day-to-day basis, not just the clients but also the drudgery of the work that we do. I mean, Law & Order is great, but it sure as hell isn’t an accurate depiction of the life of a lawyer, criminal or civil.

I tell my clients, especially when they start climbing up my ass because they don’t know why they haven’t gotten THEIR DAY IN COURT yet (God do I hate that fucking phrase) that about 90% of what actually goes on in the practice of law is behind the scenes and known only to the client when they receive the invoice for the work performed. A client will never understand researching the merits of a claim, drafting a pleading, or briefing a matter.

Speaking of briefs, can you guess what we’re going to talk about today? Yeah, that’s right, we’re about to start talking about the importance of briefing accurately and completely, because recent events have convinced me that most lawyers out there are complete fucking incompetents who view brief-writing as a form of fingerpainting. It isn’t, dipshit. Entire cases can be won or lost based on the strength of your brief.

And, in true lawyer fashion, I’m gonna talk about something called a”brief” and spend a long time doing it.

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