Welcome to another beautiful morning here at Lawyers & Liquor, where I, the Boozy Barrister, talk about whatever has popped into my tiny little head in the last 74 hours since the last time we spoke. You know, on Monday I disclosed that, for the past several months, my office has been without support staff. As such, the inmates are running the asylum in our offices as attorneys do every task great and small that requires any amount of effort, not just those that require the lawyer’s expertise. In short, I’ve been reminded that the true prophets of our time, the 1980’s glam metal band Cinderella, truly knew what they were talking about when they said “You don’t know what you got (till it’s gone).”
Look at that shit! I worked in a glam metal reference. Not fucking bad if I do say so myself.
Anyhow, once the piece went up it hit me that there are some litigation fetuses out there getting ready to leave the comforting and calm bosom of law school to enter into the world of legal practice. There may even be some placenta-encrusted baby lawyers just now struggling into their first type of legal employment. And, as we all know, those fucking jackasses in their Joseph A. Banks suits may have absolutely no clue how to handle the very same legal support staff that I am now lacking and, as a result, may be increasing their chances of either (a) unemployment in a short order or (b) finding themselves sobbing under their desk as Cinderella plays on Spotify repeatedly, gorging themselves on an entire fucking ice cream cake because they can’t figure out how to conference in a three-way call with a client and another party.
But never fear, my little fuck-a-dos, because Boozy is here to help – or at least harangue – you with five simple tips you need to remember about your legal support staff.
Continue reading “How to Deal With Legal Support Staff: A Refresher Course”
Welcome back to another week of wonderful wastrels in the practice of law! I’m your host, the Boozy Barrister, and this here is the grand return of Lawyers & Liquor to the World Wide Web. I’d like to take a moment today and speak about the thing that’s been on the forefront of my mind over the past few months as I’ve drowned in a sea of manila folders and legal pads, and that’s the importance of support staff on your law practice. More importantly, what happens when you go the better part of a year without any support staff, and how this is a neverending nightmare of administrative tasks that suck away every moment of an attorney’s day.
Kind of appropriate that we’re having this little talk about the same time as Administrative Professionals Day, eh? Speaking of which, that would be on April 24th, this upcoming Wednesday, so make sure to get your secretary, receptionist, or that cranky elderly paralegal that looks at you like you’re a lower life form to be scraped off their fashionable flats something nice. May I suggest you forego the flowers and card and just buy them a nice wine, then give them permission to drink it at their desk? Otherwise…well…
You might end up like me.
Continue reading “Like An Old Bra, I Have No Support.”
Welcome back for a Freaky Friday here at Lawyers and Liquor, once again brought to you by Quack Quack Honk Designs! We’ve been decomposing in the cemetery of the internet for a while, so I’m going to spend very little time on the lead in this month and just let you know that this time, we’re back for good! I have a backlog of articles, and the site is now back and running at full tilt with your host, the Boozy Barrister, back at the helm having finally found a happy medium between running around and staying up until four in the damn morning to work on an update. But first, go check out our sponsor, Quack Quack Honk Designs, who has waited months for the next time I would sit down and get going.
Now, as you may or may not recall, Freaky Friday is when we open up the crypt doors and talk about the more macabre aspects of law and specific legal cases. Everything that would get your case file possessed by a demon chanting “Billables by the tenth of an hour” is fair game for coverage here, and in the past we’ve covered instances like bone snatchers, haunted houses, the real estate of the damned, and funeral home ghouls. But what happens once the body is in the ground and someone decides that there’s a profit to be made from disinterring the final resting place of the infamous?
No, we’re not going to rehash some weird stuff about Burke
and Hare. That’s been done to death
more than once on various blogs, news articles, etc. We’re not even going to
talk about body snatching in general. No, we’re flipping the phantasmagorical
script this month to talk about what happens when instead of a body, someone
steals the casket.
Specifically, the casket of Lee Harvey Oswald, less-than-beloved presidential assassin.
Continue reading “QQH Designs Presents: Freaky Friday – Coffin Trouble”
Welcome to another Fetish Friday here on Lawyers & Liquor, where we sit down gingerly on our paddled-red asscheeks and examine some aspect at the inter-sex-tion of the law and prurient matters. As always, this post is brought to you be the decidedly family-friendly Quack Quack Honk Designs , an artist that in no way tries to capitalize on the shameful, lustful secrets of our darkened bedrooms but instead goes after the wholesomeness with their art. If you have a moment, go check out the pieces that this wonderful artist has up in their store, or check out where you can catch them peddling their wares in person on their events calendar! Don’t worry, I’ll wait for you before we begin. I need to take a moment to readjust this harness that’s been chafing me all morning anyhow.
Because over the next two Fetish Fridays, we need to talk about why your dildos may be illegal. But first, let’s talk about the history of masturbation! Nowadays, in our hyper-sexualized society epitomised by the popularity of sites like www.porn-hd.xxx, masturbation is, in a sense, everywhere. But it wasn’t always like that… If you would like a real sex doll then that may be a good idea to enjoy a healthy sex life.
Continue reading “QQH Designs presents Fetish Friday: Sexy Contraband, Part 1 – A Short History Of Masturbating”
Welcome back to Free Speech Friday here on Lawyers & Liquor, where we discuss the concepts, cases, and limitations behind the system of speech in this wonderful country – namely the United States of America – and learn some neat shit about free speech jurisprudence and concepts together. I’m your constitutionally inept attorney host, the Boozy Barrister, here at the behest of the Free Speech Friday sponsor, Quack Quack Honk Designs!
In case you don’t know who that is, Quack Quack Honk Designs is an awesome independent art studio and artist set up in the wilds of Michigan that provides a large number of original works in adorable and neat styles. I have several of their prints decorating my office for when I go home and wash off the blood of my litigation enemies before settling into my den with a nice plate of cookies to and listening to old sing along story tapes, and you can too if you visit their storefront or drop into one of the many upcoming art show appearances to peruse their works! If you do, though, be sure to tell them that a drunken, angry, profane lawyer sent you their way.
In past editions of Free Speech Friday we’ve discussed the founding of the First Amendment and how it seemed to be the clearest thing in the world until, you know, it fucking wasn’t. We’ve also talked about how John Adams and his administration went out of their way to shit all over the constitutional protection to say what you want free from government interference. But today we’re gonna veer away from the historical to talk about something we need to recognize before we go too far down the rabbithole of what you can say without getting smacked upside your loose-lipped head by the giant dick of justice. That’s right, today we’re going to talk about situations where the right to speak freely is sharply curtailed, not by a desire to silence the speaker but because of the malicious and detrimental effect some types of speech can have on the subjects – especially when the speech is enough to set someone’s pants on fire. Today, we’re going to delve into the defamatory world of slander and libel. But first, a disclaimer.
Continue reading “Quack Quack Honk Presents Free Speech Friday: Defamation and Paul the Pud Pulling Youtuber”