QQH Designs Presents: Freaky Friday – Coffin Trouble

Welcome back for a Freaky Friday here at Lawyers and Liquor, once again brought to you by Quack Quack Honk Designs!  We’ve been decomposing in the cemetery of the internet for a while, so I’m going to spend very little time on the lead in this month and just let you know that this time, we’re back for good!  I have a backlog of articles, and the site is now back and running at full tilt with your host, the Boozy Barrister, back at the helm having finally found a happy medium between running around and staying up until four in the damn morning to work on an update.  But first, go check out our sponsor, Quack Quack Honk Designs, who has waited months for the next time I would sit down and get going.

Now, as you may or may not recall, Freaky Friday is when we open up the crypt doors and talk about the more macabre aspects of law and specific legal cases. Everything that would get your case file possessed by a demon chanting “Billables by the tenth of an hour” is fair game for coverage here, and in the past we’ve covered instances like bone snatchers, haunted houses, the real estate of the damned, and funeral home ghouls. But what happens once the body is in the ground and someone decides that there’s a profit to be made from disinterring the final resting place of the infamous?

No, we’re not going to rehash some weird shit about Burke and Hare. That’s been done to death more than once on various blogs, news articles, etc. We’re not even going to talk about body snatching in general. No, we’re flipping the phantasmagorical script this month to talk about what happens when instead of a body, someone steals the casket.

Specifically, the casket of Lee Harvey Oswald, less-than-beloved presidential assassin.

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QQH Designs presents Fetish Friday: Sexy Contraband, Part 1 – A Short History Of Masturbating

Welcome to another Fetish Friday here on Lawyers & Liquor, where we sit down gingerly on our paddled-red asscheeks and examine some aspect at the inter-sex-tion of the law and prurient matters. As always, this post is brought to you be the decidedly family-friendly Quack Quack Honk Designs , an artist that in no way tries to capitalize on the shameful, lustful secrets of our darkened bedrooms but instead goes after the wholesomeness with their art. If you have a moment, go check out the pieces that this wonderful artist has up in their store, or check out where you can catch them peddling their wares in person on their events calendar! Don’t worry, I’ll wait for you before we begin. I need to take a moment to readjust this harness that’s been chafing me all morning anyhow.

Because over the next two Fetish Fridays, we need to talk about why your dildos may be illegal. But first, let’s talk about the history of masturbation! Nowadays, in our hyper-sexualized society epitomised by the popularity of sites like www.porn-hd.xxx, masturbation is, in a sense, everywhere. But it wasn’t always like that… If you would like a real sex doll then that may be a good idea to enjoy a healthy sex life.

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Quack Quack Honk Presents Free Speech Friday: Defamation and Paul the Pud Pulling Youtuber

Welcome back to Free Speech Friday here on Lawyers & Liquor, where we discuss the concepts, cases, and limitations behind the system of speech in this wonderful country – namely the United States of America – and learn some neat shit about free speech jurisprudence and concepts together. I’m your constitutionally inept attorney host, the Boozy Barrister, here at the behest of the Free Speech Friday sponsor, Quack Quack Honk Designs

In case you don’t know who that is, Quack Quack Honk Designs is an awesome independent art studio and artist set up in the wilds of Michigan that provides a large number of original works in adorable and neat styles. I have several of their prints decorating my office for when I go home and wash off the blood of my litigation enemies before settling into my den with a nice plate of cookies to and listening to old sing along story tapes, and you can too if you visit their storefront or drop into one of the many upcoming art show appearances to peruse their works! If you do, though, be sure to tell them that a drunken, angry, profane lawyer sent you their way.

In past editions of Free Speech Friday we’ve discussed the founding of the First Amendment and how it seemed to be the clearest thing in the world until, you know, it fucking wasn’t. We’ve also talked about how John Adams and his administration went out of their way to shit all over the constitutional protection to say what you want free from government interference. But today we’re gonna veer away from the historical to talk about something we need to recognize before we go too far down the rabbithole of what you can say without getting smacked upside your loose-lipped head by the giant dick of justice. That’s right, today we’re going to talk about situations where the right to speak freely is sharply curtailed, not by a desire to silence the speaker but because of the malicious and detrimental effect some types of speech can have on the subjects – especially when the speech is enough to set someone’s pants on fire. Today, we’re going to delve into the defamatory world of slander and libel. But first, a disclaimer.

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Constant Low Effort, Part 2: The Practical Problems with CLE Requirements

Welcome back to Lawyers & Liquor on this the first posting day of the year 2019. I, the Boozy Barrister, hope you all enjoyed your evening of watching the clock count down to midnight and your holiday spent in the office behind a locked door frantically catching up on all of the end of the month shit that you’re expected to do as a practitioner of law.

Last time we discussed CLE hours, and that kicked me off in a whole new thing we’ll continue today. Meanwhile, I finally verified that the CLE hours I gained over the past weekend by sitting in a crowded room and listening to people drone the fuck on and on about topics that were, at best, barely within the wheelhouse of the type of law I practiced.

And isn’t that just about the truth of the matter? I mean, the whole purpose behind the CLE program is to make sure the public received services from attorneys that have remained up to date on the practice of law and the requirements related thereto. You certainly don’t want some dipshit counselor who may or may not believe Reagan is still president citing case law that’s been overturned for two fucking decades, right? So, I mean, making attorneys scramble like chickens with their heads cut off every year to get those hours together, that’s a good thing, right? It keeps us honest.

First, never use the words “honest” and “attorney” together again, people will think there’s something wrong with you. Second, the mandatory CLE requirements are, in and of themselves, problematic even when looked at in the light of their alleged purpose of ensuring attorneys remain up to date on the law. And we’re gonna talk about some of those problems today.

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Constant Low Effort, Part 1: CLE Requirements and You

Welcome to the jungle on another amazing Monday, in fact the final Monday and the last day period of the opening of the pits of Hell that has been the year 2018. Because, you know, amongst the continuing social and political divide, an economy and stock market that’s acting like an adrenaline-addicted bungie jumper, and the now regular unmasking of horrible people whose thin facades of respectability led us to respect, the year has actually passed us by. Here on Lawyers & Liquor the year has passed mostly in silence and delay as injuries, staffing issues, and a significant increase in the number of duties at my job have forced me to don the mantle of the Boozy Barrister less often and actually, you know, focus on the practice of law for the benefit of my clients. So, yeah, I mean, I guess I’m sorry for not being here more because I actually felt like eating during 2018.

But more than not updating the site, being busier than hell during this past year has made it damn near impossible to stay up to date throughout the year on one of the basic requirements for practicing law. You know all know I mean those goddamn courses required of pretty much all practitioners no matter where you may be within these wide and wild United States of America. Except, of course, Maryland, which apparently decided attorneys there need no mandated courses to remain up-to-date on the law which, fun fact, is the same reason lawyers in Maryland still wear wigs and address the court as “M’Lord” prior to going outside and giving a crisp red apple to the horses they ride to the courthouse. But for those you not initiated into the ranks of the practicing lawyer, be you the fetal law student of the lowly Muggle, or simply the Baby Lawyer who’s currently exempted from the annual requirements of your bar by virtue of your absolute worthlessness to the practice in general right now, you cannot possibly know the struggle of the Continuing Legal Education (“CLE”) requirements imposed on us real lawyers by pretty much every state bar an attorney is licensed to practice under. And, folks, those courses are a real pain in my large, flabby ass.

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