Still Not A Lawyer, Part 2 – Let’s Talk About The Oath

Welcome back to another bright and sunny day here on Lawyers & Liquor, where the coffee is as black as my twisted heart and the stress is as overbearing as your mother asking when you’re going to settle down and find a nice boy or girl to share the joy of your life with. I’m the matzo-loving litigator, the Boozy Barrister, and today we’re going to continue our discussion of all the things that have to happen after you pass the bar exam. That’s right, we have another day of celebrating the professional celibacy, or, if you’re caught up in the character and fitness portion of this whole mess, legal cuckolding that is the newly admitted baby lawyer. Be you the recent admission with the ink still drying on your license or the gritty old attorney slowly aging into irrelevance, we here at Lawyers & Liquor believe that you, too, deserve to be roundly lambasted and lectured about the poor life decisions you, personally, have made to lead you to this point.

You may recall that last time we discussed the simple fact that even with the board of bar examiners saying you are minimally competent to practice law on the basis of a few essay questions and filling in the right bubbles here and there, that doesn’t make you an attorney until you’re actually admittedto the practice of law. And, as we talked then, the admission to the practice of law is more than a mere formality, because it involved shit like the Character and Fitness examiners digging deep into your sordid little past of keg stands, requiring you to supplement anything their darkened little souls require. It’s a form of legal confession, except you don’t just think the person hearing your confession may be jerking off, you know they probably are, and there’s no penance for the past in the majority of cases. But whilst you wait for the cabal of legalistic proctologists of the profession to finish snapping on their rubber gloves and just getting elbow deep all up in your shit, there’s something else you can start considering on the assumption that everything will turn out okay, and that’s when are you going to take your oath and become a lawyer.

Because lawyers? We not only fucking swear, we are sworn as well.

Continue reading “Still Not A Lawyer, Part 2 – Let’s Talk About The Oath”

Parrot-Ghazi: The Twitter Saga 

[Updates at the end, including some prior tweets from Mr. Adler, a response from Mr. Dent, an explanation of the long odds, and an interview on this tweet Mr. Adler gave to the BBC]

So yesterday a marginally funny tweet showed up on the page of a lawyer from Philadelphia.  Since us attorneys are so well known for our sense of humor, it of course went viral.  A hearty chortle was had by all, and people went on with their daily lives.

So, Michael Adler is a Philly lawyer who, from his website, seems to specialize in business law.  This means nothing, because I can say my areas of practice are geared towards protecting the intellectual property of one-armed left-handed underwater basket weavers.  That doesn’t mean I won’t take a divorce if it walks through my door with cash in hand.  I certainly will.

I have to say, Mr. Adler’s tweet was pretty amusing, too.  I saw it last night and it gave me a brief smile, and I don’t smile.  Joviality hurts my blackened soul.  Apparently it was a slow news day as well, because the tweet even deserved a bit of a human interest story, getting a post on BillyPenn.com written about it.

Adler said disputes over dogs are relatively in common in divorces, but the parrot provided a new challenge… verbalization. In other words, they can talk. Therefore, they can talk shit.

So he spoke with other lawyers for advice this morning before coming up with “the idea of just agreeing not to say anything nasty in front of the parent.”

However, it appears one of those “other lawyers” may be @ParkerLawyer, who tweeted this back in September:

Those are…really similar.  Oh shiiiiiiit, we about to get all Cease & Desist up in here!

Before we continue, let me say:  I have no opinion on any of the people involved.  I don’t encourage anyone else to form one.  Reserve judgment until the facts are in.

Continue reading “Parrot-Ghazi: The Twitter Saga “