I, For One, Welcome Our Reptilian Overlords

It’s official.  This election year is like a bad science fiction television show. I keep waiting for the part where the candidates remove their realistic flesh masks and reveal themselves as Lizard People.  For the record, if (when) this fuckin’ occurs, I for one, welcome our reptilian overlords.

Think that’s a crazy concept?  More or less crazy than conspiracy theorists pandering to the supporters of a major presidential candidate by stating there is a federal protocol in place to simulate an alien invasion?  I ask, because we all know someone’s reclusive uncle or grandmother who never quite got over the unquestioned trust of Edward R. Murrow is totally going to post the following on Facebook as proof that Hillary Clinton is the harbinger of the apocalypse:

Done watching four minutes of batshit insanity?  Great.  Knock back a slug of your drink of choice, take my sweaty, oversized hand, and let’s travel down this batshit filled rabbit hole together, shall we?

Continue reading “I, For One, Welcome Our Reptilian Overlords”

Updates from an addled mind

Alright. So a while back I indicated that I was trying, desperately, to figure out this WordPress stuff.

I’m slowly getting there. See, there’s now social media share buttons at the bottom of this page. I’m so fucking special, aren’t I? Look at how special I am, figuring out the internet and shit. I deserve a pat on the back and a drink for all of this. Hell, I even made a Twitter account and an email address that isn’t my name. Because I’m special.  Continue reading “Updates from an addled mind”

Thinking is hard.


I’ll be honest, this post is here because I’m trying to figure out all of this GoDaddy/Wordpress stuff.  At this point, it feels almost as if I’m going to need to sacrifice a chicken at midnight in a graveyard while walking counter-clockwise and lighting candles with burning pages of Posner or something to figure this whole deal out.  I’m not like you folks who know what you’re doing with the internet and such.  I’m the type of guy whose experience in web design died out around the same time Geocities and Angelfire stopped being a thing.

I mean, I’ve been fooling with this site creation tool for the better part of an hour now, and I’ve yet to locate a single clip-art flying toaster, dancing toaster, or creepy “Ooga Chaka” babies.  And where, by the way, is the MIDI file of “Eye of the Tiger” that I can place on a loop in the background because, seriously, what’s a website without “Eye of the Tiger” MIDI background theme music.

Technology has truly passed me by.

So, for all of that, bear with me for a few days as I figure this whole “modern internet” thing out.