Litigation is Expensive, Buddy: A dialogue with the “Righteous Client”

So I have clients that are…less than thrilled with the amount of my recent bill.

“But we just paid $2,000!  Why do we have to pay another $2,000 this month?”

“Because you told me to be aggressive and refuse settlement offers to bring this matter to trial.  That’s the cost of me doing this.”

You didn’t tell us that!”

Followed by me responding with every email that contains one key phrase:

“Litigation is expensive.  It is not unheard of for a case going to trial to cost thousands of dollars a month while we are in active discovery, nor is it uncommon for the price tag of the entire matter to range in the tens of thousands of dollars.  It is my suggestion that we reach out to discuss a possibility of settlement once we have conferred regarding what an appropriate settlement amount would be.”

This is a regular thing.  It’s almost the hallmark of an hourly civil litigator to have to remind their clients of that one key thing:  Litigation is fucking expensive.

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Stop Dicking Around: Tips to Find Legal Employment

Alright you unwashed hordes of freshly-minted Esquires, stop sucking the marrow out of bones and fighting over the scraps of unemployment hearings and gather round.

Recently I’ve been bitching about law schools, so maybe we should talk about how fucked up the job market is for those who graduate law school.  I’m not talking about those “JD Preferred” schmucks who come out of law school and head straight for the nearest unemployment line (and let’s be honest, that’s about the only thing a JD alone will get you).  I’m talking about those honest-to-god, freshly minted lawyers that have passed the bar but don’t have an office to work out of, a shingle to hang, or an offer to come work for someone.  You know, all of you morose assholes who convince yourselves that practicing law was a good idea while huddled over your nightly meal of Vienna sausages and saltines in the one suit you own.  Those of you who flood law offices with unsolicited resumes praying that we’ll see something on your unwanted, cream-colored, cotton paper, which you bought in a 25 sheet pack at Office Depot for just this occasion, that’ll make our office want to create an immediate vacancy for you.  That’s who this article is for.

Also, it’s for the law students.  Those who keep hearing that the drought of law jobs is ending.  Those who have dreams of six figures dancing in their heads.  Those who think Cravath certainly waits in their future because they’re ranked Number 1 at Ave Maria and can down an entire case of Natty on their own.  Yes, this article is for you, too.

Because I like to fuckin’ crush hopes and dreams beneath my bootheel.

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Help Me With my Post for Tomorrow: Job Seekers, Law Students, and Attorneys Welcome

[contact-form subject=’Employment Survey’][contact-field label=’Name (Will not be used without permission)’ type=’name’/][contact-field label=’Email’ type=’email’/][contact-field label=’Can we contact you for more info?’ type=’checkbox-multiple’ required=’1′ options=’Yes,No’/][contact-field label=’How many interviews have you had in the past 12 months?’ type=’checkbox-multiple’ required=’1′ options=’0,1-2,2-4,5+’/][contact-field label=’Which are you?’ type=’checkbox-multiple’ options=’Law Student,Hiring Attorney,Job Seeking Attorney’/][contact-field label=’If currently employed as an attorney, how long were you in the job market before getting an offer?’ type=’textarea’/][contact-field label=’If not currently employed but licensed, how long has it been since you passed the bar?’ type=’textarea’/][contact-field label=’If a hiring attorney, how many positions have opened at your firm in the past 12 months?’ type=’textarea’/][contact-field label=’As a hiring attorney, what was your worst interview experience? What was your best? What was the outcome of both?’ type=’textarea’/][contact-field label=’Hiring Attorneys: What do you look for in an applicant?’ type=’textarea’/][contact-field label=’Job Seeking Attorneys: How are you finding interviews?’ type=’textarea’/][contact-field label=’Law Students: How much do you rely on your school%26#039;s CDO?’ type=’textarea’/][contact-field label=’Hiring Attorneys: How are you advertising open positions?’ type=’textarea’/][contact-field label=’Any other thoughts? Stick them here. I%26#039;ll read them.’ type=’textarea’/][/contact-form]

Friday Music: Denim is not Office Attire

My father’s law office had one rule when I worked for him as a legal assistant, and that was “No Jeans.  No polo shirts.  Slacks and button-ups at the minimum.  We’re a law office, not a gas station.”  But times have, sadly, changed.

I understand some offices have “dress down days.”  I also understand some in-house counsel read this blog.  For both of you unprofessional slackers, this one’s for you.

New post later this evening, and I’ll be posting tomorrow to make up for missing yesterday, as if any of you slackers will read it on a weekend!