LAWYERS & LIQUOR

How to Deal With Legal Support Staff: A Refresher Course

Welcome to another beautiful morning here at Lawyers & Liquor, where I, the Boozy Barrister, talk about whatever has popped into my tiny little head in the last 74 hours since the last time we spoke. You know, on Monday I disclosed that, for the past several months, my office has been without support staff. As such, the inmates are running the asylum in our offices as attorneys do every task great and small that requires any amount of effort, not just those that require the lawyer’s expertise. In short, I’ve been reminded that the true prophets of our time, the 1980’s glam metal band Cinderella, truly knew what they were talking about when they said “You don’t know what you got (till it’s gone).”

Look at that shit! I worked in a glam metal reference. Not fucking bad if I do say so myself.

Anyhow, once the piece went up it hit me that there are some litigation fetuses out there getting ready to leave the comforting and calm bosom of law school to enter into the world of legal practice. There may even be some placenta-encrusted baby lawyers just now struggling into their first type of legal employment. And, as we all know, those fucking jackasses in their Joseph A. Banks suits may have absolutely no clue how to handle the very same legal support staff that I am now lacking and, as a result, may be increasing their chances of either (a) unemployment in a short order or (b) finding themselves sobbing under their desk as Cinderella plays on Spotify repeatedly, gorging themselves on an entire fucking ice cream cake because they can’t figure out how to conference in a three-way call with a client and another party.

But never fear, my little fuck-a-dos, because Boozy is here to help – or at least harangue – you with five simple tips you need to remember about your legal support staff.

Like An Old Bra, I Have No Support.

Welcome back to another week of wonderful wastrels in the practice of law! I’m your host, the Boozy Barrister, and this here is the grand return of Lawyers & Liquor to the World Wide Web. I’d like to take a moment today and speak about the thing that’s been on the forefront of my mind over the past few months as I’ve drowned in a sea of manila folders and legal pads, and that’s the importance of support staff on your law practice. More importantly, what happens when you go the better part of a year without any support staff, and how this is a neverending nightmare of administrative tasks that suck away every moment of an attorney’s day.

Kind of appropriate that we’re having this little talk about the same time as Administrative Professionals Day, eh? Speaking of which, that would be on April 24th, this upcoming Wednesday, so make sure to get your secretary, receptionist, or that cranky elderly paralegal that looks at you like you’re a lower life form to be scraped off their fashionable flats something nice. May I suggest you forego the flowers and card and just buy them a nice wine, then give them permission to drink it at their desk? Otherwise…well…

You might end up like me.

QQH Designs Presents: Freaky Friday – Coffin Trouble

Welcome back for a Freaky Friday here at Lawyers and Liquor, once again brought to you by Quack Quack Honk Designs! We’ve been decomposing in the cemetery of the internet for a while, so I’m going to spend very little time on the lead in this month and just let you know that this time, we’re back for good! I have a backlog of articles, and the site is now back and running at full tilt with your host, the Boozy Barrister, back at the helm having finally found a happy medium between running around and staying up until four in the damn morning to work on an update. But first, go check out our sponsor, Quack Quack Honk Designs, who has waited months for the next time I would sit down and get going.

Now, as you may or may not recall, Freaky Friday is when we open up the crypt doors and talk about the more macabre aspects of law and specific legal cases. Everything that would get your case file possessed by a demon chanting “Billables by the tenth of an hour” is fair game for coverage here, and in the past we’ve covered instances like bone snatchers, haunted houses, the real estate of the damned, and funeral home ghouls. But what happens once the body is in the ground and someone decides that there’s a profit to be made from disinterring the final resting place of the infamous?

No, we’re not going to rehash some weird shit about Burke and Hare. That’s been done to death more than once on various blogs, news articles, etc. We’re not even going to talk about body snatching in general. No, we’re flipping the phantasmagorical script this month to talk about what happens when instead of a body, someone steals the casket.

Specifically, the casket of Lee Harvey Oswald, less-than-beloved presidential assassin.

QQH Designs presents Fetish Friday: Sexy Contraband, Part 1 – A Short History Of Masturbating

Welcome to another Fetish Friday here on Lawyers & Liquor, where we sit down gingerly on our paddled-red asscheeks and examine some aspect at the inter-sex-tion of the law and prurient matters. As always, this post is brought to you be the decidedly family-friendly Quack Quack Honk Designs , an artist that in no way tries to capitalize on the shameful, lustful secrets of our darkened bedrooms but instead goes after the wholesomeness with their art. If you have a moment, go check out the pieces that this wonderful artist has up in their store, or check out where you can catch them peddling their wares in person on their events calendar! Don’t worry, I’ll wait for you before we begin. I need to take a moment to readjust this harness that’s been chafing me all morning anyhow.

Because over the next two Fetish Fridays, we need to talk about why your dildos may be illegal. But first, let’s talk about the history of masturbation! Nowadays, in our hyper-sexualized society epitomised by the popularity of sites like www.porn-hd.xxx, masturbation is, in a sense, everywhere. But it wasn’t always like that… If you would like a real sex doll then that may be a good idea to enjoy a healthy sex life.

QQH Designs Freaky Friday: The Case of the Brooklyn Bonesuckers

Join us today as we delve into the Ghoulish World of stolen bones and desecrated corpses in the Big Apple for modern day body snatching in QQH Designs Freaky Friday.

Welcome to yet another Freaky Friday ere on Lawyers & Liquor, where we explore the ether of the macabre meanderings the law and legal cases may sometimes take. I’m your ghost host, the Boo-zy Barrister, here with another tale from the crypts of the legal world to chill and thrill you courtesy of Quack Quack Honk Designs. Even a rotting corpse deserves a treat every now and again, and some amazing art from the inimitable artisan at Quack Quack Honk Designs is the perfect way to treat yourself on those evenings where your dungeon looks a little drab. Shamble over to their shop to look at their wares, commission an original work, or find out where in the world they may be at an upcoming convention or art show – and be sure to thank them for sponsoring this site when you do.

Funerals are a time of remembering the recently departed, filled with tears of sorrow and laughter at the memories of times past. To help this process of grief and healing, we often turn to funeral directors and funeral homes to guide the mourners through the experience and to provide a little tender care to them. However, as we’ve seen before, the funeral industry is – at its bones – an industry, beholden for many not to the loving care of the deceased and those they leave behind but rather the bottom line. To this end, funeral homes and funeral directors are always looking to turn a profit in the trade of death, and come under criticism for doing so at times. Be it attempting to upsell a more expensive casket, a larger funeral package, a special headstone, or simply removing all the bones from the body of dear old Grandpa and selling them off to the highest bidder, a business has to engage in some minor practices that folks may find detestable to stay in business.

Wait.

What was that last one?