Here at Lawyers & Liquor we tend to dedicate the third Friday of every month to the discussion of a fetish. But June has five Fridays, and, as a quick glance at my calendar just informed me, we’re about halfway through this month. So I thought it may be neat, given that this is a month bedecked in the rainbow vomit and glitter-cannon parades that is Pride, to talk about something more on point with that shit: Let’s talk about the history of the LGBTQ+ treatment at law in the United States.
That’s right, Boozy’s sticking on the way-too-tight tank top and trimming his beard to make this website the legal version of Growlr for one day only as we dive into the historical treatment of the LGBTQ+ community within the United States. So smear on your best body paint, cuddle up with the spouse you previously couldn’t marry, and call that one homophobic Aunt that everyone has just to tell them to fuck right off as we talk about Dale Jennings, and how the LAPD totally George Michael’d the fuck out of him…and in doing so helped kick off the modern LGBTQ+ rights movement as we know it today.
…Fucking talk about some shit backfiring, eh?
Continue reading “Pride Month Special: “One True Pervert In the Courtroom” – The Trial of Dale Jennings”
Good morning and welcome back to Monday here on Lawyers & Liquor, where I try to recoup all the goodwill I burned through in recovering from an injury and being a general roustabout in anything not case related by redirecting you all away from my flagrant ignoring of my responsibilities on this site and back towards the questions of law, fact, and fun that tend to pop up profanely here. Isn’t that just one hell of a run-on sentence? Anyhow, I’m your hobbling host the Boozy Barrister, here to pour seething hot rage and recommendations into your eyeholes as we keep trucking on through the dark night of litigation finance.
You may remember that last week, before I disappeared into the netherworld of lazy lawyers in their off time, I spoke about the threats that are coming to bear on the Legal Services Corporation, the federal agency that provides grants to legal aid non-profits and assists them in letting the indigent have their day in court. The whole reason we have to have organizations like this is because, frankly, if someone hires me to bring a lawsuit or defend one I expect to get fucking paid as a result. Now, some of you out there are saying “Boozy, I thought lawyers only get paid if you win!” To that I say: Do I sound like the type of guy who takes cases on contingency? I like eating my meals. The only gambling I ever do is at the pai gow table, surrounded by hard-smoking and hard-drinking Chinese businessmen screaming things in Mandarin and Cantonese (neither or which I speak). I’m not gambling in the office.
I mean, I would if I could, but it’s been hell on wheels trying to get the partners to recognize the need for a pai gow table in the conference room.
No, in most cases us American Attorneys get paid win, lose, or draw. You may go home with empty pockets and a judgment against you, but I go home with my check or I don’t sally forth into the legal battlefield with you in the first fucking place. And that, for many people out there, is the problem. But…what if I told you there was another way? And there may be one, too, if we dig back through the past and examine the alternative method of paying for a lawsuit…which is what we’re doing this week.
But first, let me explain the two historical methods of paying for a lawsuit: The English Rule and the American Rule.
Continue reading ““Fees Fi Fo Fum”: The English Rule and The American Rule, Part 1″
Well, I’ve had a brief sojourn out into the wide world of weirdness that I seem to exist in these days, and in that time I realized that I’ve let several developments in the hellish landscape of ABA approved law schools go unmentioned, but definitely not unnoticed. So, for this Monday, I thought maybe we should discuss the latest developments in the raging dumpster fire that is the current legal education market, given the number of absolute fucking morons that have invaded my email inbox and Twitter timeline asking me shit about law school and attending law school in general.
As if they can’t just read the blog for any period of time to understand that my advice is always going to be “Don’t fucking go to law school, you goddamn moron.”
But hey, if these people were especially bright they wouldn’t be considering law school in the first damn place, would they? No, they’d be considering a more honest and lucrative profession, like dealing drugs or some shit, not looking at a way to actively make themselves poor while players in the very educational field they’re looking to gain admission to are dropping off left and fucking right around them.
This, in my opinion, is a good fucking thing, because we need to start doing herd management on lawyers, selectively removing the weak and least able from our ranks so the pastures out there can sustain the rest of us.
Yeah, that’s right. The legal profession needs a goddamn cull.
Continue reading “Too Many Lawyers: The Legal Profession Needs A Cull”
HEY! So, there were a lot of great suggestions for posts yesterday from my newly found technicolor zoo of friendly animal-people, but I woke up this morning and thought to myself: “Am I gonna listen to these assholes? I don’t even let other lawyers suggest what the fuck I’m going to write about!”
So today, I’m writing for all the people out there, you sweet little clueless shits, that have decided they may want to be lawyers. I plan on making this a continuing series, by the way, because there’s a lot to be said to the dumbasses that feel the need to become attorneys.
Continue reading “So You Want To Be A Lawyer, Part 1: A Brief History of the Legal Profession”