Alright. I Think we fixed it. Bear with me over the next few days as I get the whole thing back in order.
Good morning and welcome to Wednesday here at Lawyers & Liquor, or maybe a website telling you you won a free iPhone. I’m aware, somewhere on the site there’s a bit of something that’s redirecting people to scam sites. So, here’s what I’m doing about it:
Tonight I’m backing up the whole goddamn site, nuking the fucking thing, then spending hours reinstalling it and bringing it back online. Hopefully that will resolve the issue once and for all. It’s an extreme step, but I’ve done everything else and keep getting messages about how this shit is still happening to phone and mobile users.
Because I’m doing this, I will not be doing a post today. I’ll post tomorrow regarding the importance of client control, then on Friday for Fetish Friday. Both of those are ready to go, but I’m not going to keep sending folks who want to read them on a merry internet goose chase anymore.
Remember, guys, outside of the Patreon and Ko-Fi links, L&L is an endeavor of love for me. I don’t sell advertising, I don’t collect information, and I pay a hell of a lot for the website and server space already. There’s no cash here to hire someone to monitor it, and I don’t really sell a product. Without monetizing the site, there’s simply no money to pay for dedicated services to stop this shit from happening, and I’m not a fan of monetizing the site.
Hopefully, all goes well. Just in case, though, I’m spending part of today backing up all of our past posts so I can restore the archive if something goes terribly, terribly wrong tonight.
Hopefully the site will be back in the morning without any issues.
Welcome to Wednesday here on Lawyers and Liquor, where we’re desperately clinging to relevance in an age where attorneys who are on Twitter spend hours on end correcting the lay understanding of the attorney-client privilege. You know, there’s been a lot of legal news since the last time I had a chance to sit down and write something for you guys, hasn’t there? Holy. Shit.
I mean, Trump’s lawyer’s office got raided by the FBI, Sean Hannity was revealed in court to be a client of the same attorney (who the fuck only has three clients, all of them prominent members of the GOP? And why weren’t we aware that three prominent members of the GOP are so dipshit-stupid that they all use the same lawyer from motherfucking Cooley for their legally questionable issues?), and Bill Cosby is being retried for rape. Oh, you weren’t aware of the last one? Doesn’t surprise me. In the world of Trump, the celebrity rapist is the lucky one.
So, of course, in this trying time let’s talk about something vitally important to the practice of law. This is something that’s sank many a law office before it even got the chance to start and has a great impact on every client who walks in the door. For many small attorneys, the subject of today’s post is how your clients are going to form their first impressions of you as not only an attorney, but as a person as well. I’m talking, of course, about the magazines and reading material that you keep in your waiting room.
Sure, it may not seem important, but the fact is the high-brow literature you provide to your clients as they wait for you to finish scrolling through Facebook and drink your coffee so you can give the impression of being far too busy to meet with them immediately is important. I mean, many lawyers bring these magazines from their homes or other places they frequent, so what reading material is in your office is a reflection of your personality and therefore an indicator of how your clients will get along with you. It can make or break a relationship! This is serious business folks!
So, without further adieu, let’s talk about what different magazines say about you.
You know what’s nice? Knowing that the practice of law is a profession that places as its benchmark the pursuit of justice and higher school of thought. We all go into law school thinking that we’re going to change the world through our practice of the law, and some dolent professor with an Ivy League pedigree extols the virtues of the “Noble Savage” that the lawyer is supposed to be. We are told, in every class, that the law exists to bring justice and that the role of an attorney is a counselor and advocate for the cause of the downtrodden client. We are, in the words of the administrators and professors, the gatekeepers of justice, the first line of defense against tyranny, and the vindicators of the downtrodden.
And, of course, we then step out into the real world of practice and become made aware of the fact that all that esoteric bullshit and idealism doesn’t make the student loan payment of the rent. Nobody’s ringing up their landlord and saying “Hey, I stopped a family of five from being evicted today! They paid me in a big bag of pork rinds! Will you accept pork rinds in lieu of rent now?” If your landlord or utility company would ever stop laughing, what they’d choke out is “No, dipshit.” Idealism doesn’t pay any of the bills. “Good feels” doesn’t put food on the table. Advocacy won’t buy avocado toast.
For that, you need money. And to make money, you have to let go of the concept that you are anything more than a cutthroat mercenary of the legal world. Because motherfuckers may need justice, but motherfuckers gotta pay to get it. And yes, there are lawyers out there who provide representation to those people that need it without regard to their ability to pay, and they do some great goddamn work in doing so. But, and here’s the thing:
They may not be there for much longer, and society has no viable safety net ready and raring to go for those folks.
You know the cool thing about my job? I get to know people. I get to know people pretty damn well. Look, when you’ve sat in my conference room crying because your vindictive ex is low-key blackmailing you with pictures of you in frilly pink panties and an oversized lollipop (not that there’s anything wrong with that shit), we have a bond. That burly biker or truck driver who, to the rest of the world is a real man’s man, can feel cool to break down in front of their lawyer because they know that I can’t say shit, and because they know that my job is to help them. It’s neat to get to know my clients on a level that they only reveal to their priest and their bartender.
This means that for a lot of my clients who are actual people, they view me as some strange mixture between legal counsel and a damn good friend, and it isn’t uncommon for my clients to just drop by or call to see how I’m doing. Be it the retired NYPD detective who called my house (despite not ever having been given my home number) while I was laid up to see if he could swing by and do anything, the older couple that I helped two years ago who came by my hospital room with a huge homecooked meal for my family, or, my personal favorite, the Gypsy King and his wife who not only bring me chocolate and little treats randomly, but send a hell of a lot of business my way.