Fetish Friday: Banging A Buick – Mechanophilia and the Law

Ladies and Gentlemen, start your engines for this May, 2018 edition of Fetish Friday here on Lawyers & Liquor, where we examine the law in relation to the sexual escapades of others.  Last time we covered what could best be described as a heavier than hell topic, the legality of cartoon porn depicting children or characters that are otherwise assumed to be minors, so I figured this time we’d return to something lighthearted.  Something we can talk about without making the skin crawl right off our bodies and nope the hell out of here.  Something that’ll really get your motors running.

That’s right, this month for Fetish Friday we’re going to talk about the sexual kink known as Mechanophilia, or the sexual attraction to machinery.

I’m your host, the Boozy Barrister.

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Being a Legal Dom: The Importance of Client Control

Welcome to the new and improved, but still the same, Lawyers & Liquor.  I’m the Boozy Barrister, here to provide some practice tips to the young and stupid among you, in particular any dipshit that went to law school with stars in their eyes and a song in their heart.

It’s all well and good to go into law school believing that people are all essentially good at heart and just need some help through a literal and metaphorical trial in their life. But that’s the sort of idealism that gets you shot in the goddamn ass, because it leads to you viewing clients as something more than billable sacks of flesh that you can hit with a stick to make money fly directly into the firm’s operating account, and that shit is a problem.

Why, you may say, is it so bad for an attorney to grow close to their clients, or at least so close that they recognize during the course of representation that every client may not be a worthless fuckhead who needs competent legal representation merely to wipe their own ass? Because part of the job of an attorney is to act as a leather-bound dominatrix, exerting control and twisting clients into accepting the situation as it exists and not as they fucking want it to exist.

That’s right, to a certain degree every lawyer is a kinky-ass, whip-wielding mistress just waiting to tell the client they’ve been a bad boy. And I’m not just talking about our hobbies in the off-hours. So if you want to be a successful attorney, you better squeeze your ass into some high heels and get ready to step on the nutsack of your client’s ambitions and goals to bring them to reality, because the effective representation of people all fucking comes down to client control.

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