Things I Don’t Care About: BigLaw Pay Raises

Hello and welcome to Lawyers & Liquor, where we do nothing but talk about legal stuff in a profane manner because…you know what? I don’t owe an explanation to you.  Every lawyer in the world wants to just start cursing about halfway through discussing anything legal with laymen and brand-spanking-new baby attorneys, and that’s what I do because, frankly, I ain’t got much to lose anymore by doing it.

So today let’s start talking about the things I don’t really give two watery shits about, and by that I mean the whole thing going on that’s  been over-reported and covered with intense scrutiny in the legal community.  No, not the death of Judge Leighton, former federal judge and civil rights pioneer, and quite possibly the most interesting man in the world, back in the beginning of June, but rather the BigLaw pay raises that I, like many other small-time meat and potatoes attorneys aren’t affected by and don’t fucking care about.

I’m the Boozy Barrister, and it’s time to buckle the fuck up.

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Fetish Friday: Your Kinky Divorce

Welcome to Fetish Friday on Lawyers & Liquor, where we talk about the world of sexual fetish and, really, anything sexually inclined at all.  I’m your host the BDSM Barrister, inviting all of you to break out the ballgags and sit there like the good little pieces of worthless filth you are as we talk this month about the implications of your kink on your divorce.  That’s right, as we’ve discussed before even if you’re referred to as the slave in the bedroom and the strangely leather-clad basement dungeon, there’s absolutely no reason that you can’t file for a divorce from your dominatrix.  And, despite what some people who abuse their kinks would like you to think, there’s absolutely nothing that they can do to stop you!

However, when we’re talking about groups of people whose inclinations may run from the degrading of themselves all the way up to literally drawing blood for sexual fulfillment, and when the kink isn’t just something that happens in the bedroom but something that is more of a lifestyle, divorce, like scat play, can get pretty goddamn messy.  Of course I’m not going to talk about the cases today where things went well, am I?  Nope.  I’m going to talk about the shit that happens when two kinksters that were once in love decide that they want to seek the ultimate pain fetish and submit themselves to the jurisdiction of the local family court!  So hook up the alligator clips and let’s get this ball rolling!

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“Hi, I’m Goliath from Goliath & Goliath.” – A Philly Lawyer Takes on Morgan & Morgan

Let’s take a minute and talk about these huge, multi-state law firms that swoop into the local area and start slinging their advertising dollars around.  These are the candymen of the legal advertising industry, keeping radio jingle writers and shady TV commercial producers in dollars so they can run all of their ads during Rush Limbaugh or the seventeenth mid-day rerun of Judge Judy.  We all know the types of guys I’m talking about, with ads that say shit like “call us, we’ll get you your money” and some 1-800 number that takes you to a switchboard before directing your ass to a regional office in some big city. The dirty little secret of lawyering is that these places are really just mills, gigantic firms from out of state with not a single named partner who could find your podunk little shithole on a map unless their private jets were flying overhead.  

These guys are, basically, the Waffle House of the legal world, with a branch every damn place.  They’re the bane of the small law practitioner, and especially the small PI guy, who can’t compete with the advertising and the crisply pressed suits of some partner that shows up in the commercials but never in court.  After flooding the local airwaves with commercials, lining the streets with billboards, and getting the name recognition that used to go to the decent guy down the street, they’re gonna take every call from a dog bite to a fender bender  and move on.

These are the personal injury mills.

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Pride Month Special: “One True Pervert In the Courtroom” – The Trial of Dale Jennings

Here at Lawyers & Liquor we tend to dedicate the third Friday of every month to the discussion of a fetish.  But June has five Fridays, and, as a quick glance at my calendar just informed me, we’re about halfway through this month.  So I thought it may be neat, given that this is a month bedecked in the rainbow vomit and glitter-cannon parades that is Pride, to talk about something more on point with that shit:  Let’s talk about the history of the LGBTQ+ treatment at law in the United States.

That’s right, Boozy’s sticking on the way-too-tight tank top and trimming his beard to make this website the legal version of Growlr for one day only as we dive into the historical treatment of the LGBTQ+ community within the United States.  So smear on your best body paint, cuddle up with the spouse you previously couldn’t marry, and call that one homophobic Aunt that everyone has just to tell them to fuck right off as we talk about Dale Jennings, and how the LAPD totally George Michael’d the fuck out of him…and in doing so helped kick off the modern LGBTQ+ rights movement as we know it today.

…Fucking talk about some shit backfiring, eh?

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A Lawless Land of Unicorns and Elves: A Lawyer Goes LARPing, Part 2

Hey, Welcome back to Lawyers & Liquor, the premiere home for the legal and not-so-legal profane ramblings of the Boozy  Barrister.  Today we’re going to keep going with my recounting of my recent descent into the world of NERO and LARP in general, specifically the NERO variant known as “Fables of Fenorra” in the lead-up to this weekend’s trip back out for my second visit to the mystical and magical world where, apparently, everything is falling apart and chaos reigns as we hit each other with foam weapons.

Before we begin, though, let me stress:  If you want to get in on the madness there is a Fables of Fenorra event going on this upcoming weekend at Eagle Pass Camp in Wales, Mass, ran by the guys over at Epic Adventures, LLC!  You can register at the door on Friday, June 15th, or online at the Epic Adventures website!  I’ll be there causing trouble as Dart the Cowardly Alchemist, and you should stop by if you want to figure this shit out for yourself.

So last time I talked about how I ended up getting sucked into agreeing to go to a LARP event, which if  you skipped over that entry is a “Live Action Role Playing” event where people beat the shit out of each other with padded weapons and act out characters in a complicated fantasy world.  This time, let’s just get right into meat of the thing:  How my adventures went.

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