Fundamental Friday: You Don’t Have A Constitutional Right To Infect.

[Note: If you’re new here, possibly from a thing I did a couple days ago, rest assured that this is one of those boring lawyer posts where I talk down to people in a condescending manner about a topic. You should recognize it. In fact, I know you do because I’ve reviewed a lot of your firm “blogs” and am well aware each and every one of you think talking to people like they’ve suffered some form of traumatic brain injury is the way you need to speak to potential clients. It’s cool. I get it. You’re an asshole. Anyhow, this one’s more for the laymen, layladies, and lay-people-of-no-or-any-gender, so sit back and enjoy a really long diatribe.]

Welcome to Lawyers & Liquor, a site that’s updated about as often as my invoices are being paid these days. I’m your host, the Boozy Barrister, and this month we’re going to open with something a little different from our typical Free Speech Friday to take a brief foray into the world of constitutional rights and legitimate exercises of the state’s police powers in a time of turmoil. You know, like a worldwide pandemic and a nation that has essentially stuck up a sign that says “Be Back Soon” on the sliding plexiglass door that is our borders. But before we get into all of that fun stuff, please allow me to take a moment and direct you to the list of the Lawyers & Liquor Patreon supporters who provide financial backing for all of the idiotic stuff we do here.

We all on the same page here? Good, now gather around because I want to be exceedingly clear in this time of turmoil:

You do not have a constitutional right to be a complete jackass and infect those around you, and the government absolutely has the precedential ability to restrict you from doing so. And today, Typhoid Dipshit, I’m going to go into why.

Continue reading “Fundamental Friday: You Don’t Have A Constitutional Right To Infect.”

An Open Letter From Your Lawyer: We Don’t Know What We’re Doing.

Hello!

So here we are, in the midst of a pandemic the likes of which hasn’t been seen in the United States in over a century, and we here at the Law Offices of Boozy Barrister would like to reassure and comfort all of our clients. We know that you have many questions regarding this virus, COVID-19, and how it may have an effect on your pending legal matters, your plans, hearings, bankruptcy payments, child support obligations, custody hearings, evictions, etc. We greatly appreciate you reaching out to us and providing us with the opportunity to address your questions as they arise. However, due to the sheer volume of calls and emails we have been receiving over the past month, our partners have all ascended from their well-stocked emergency bunkers and gathered six feet apart in the conference room to draft this open letter to reassure you:

We have no goddamn clue what we’re doing.

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FurPlanet’s Furry Friday – The Law of Donations

Good Morning (or Afternoon, you know, whatever time it may happen to be when I get this post up. I’m a busy man.) and welcome back to the triumphant return of Furry Friday here on Lawyers & Liquor, brought to you by FurPlanet! Want a bit of furry reading to do? Need a comic that you haven’t seen on the shelves in years? Just want to convince them that investing in sponsored posts on my site wasn’t a horrible use of their time and money? Drop to all fours and dart over to Furplanet to peruse their collections of literature! Plus, and I want to point this out, these folks have been really patient with me over the past year of getting the site back up and going, so they really deserve the love from you.

Additionally, let me give a “lots of love” shoutout to my Blended Whiskey level Patreon supporters, who you can find listed here. I don’t know why you folks keep handing me monthly money, but you do, and I will gladly accept it.

That said, let’s fling open the cages to the technicolor zoo and discuss a topic that tends to hit pretty goddamn hard in the furry community: the giving of money or goods to others or charities in order to help them out. Specifically, what you can and can’t do when you make a charity bid, give to someone who’s about to be on the street, or donate to a good cause.

Even more specifically, why you don’t have any goddamn right to take that money back.

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Fetish Friday: Findom – More Than Erotic Shark Art

Welcome to another Fetish Friday here on Lawyers & Liquor, where we talk about the legal issues that may surround anything sex, kink, or otherwise erotically related! I’m your Dungeon Master, the Boozy Barrister, and I don’t mean that in the “Roll D20” way unless we’re defining “D” in a completely different, and this month we’re going to go down the slippery slope of a draining bank account and a throbbing erection as we talk about the legal pitfalls of a very specific kink – Financial Domination.

Speaking of which, you can become one of the Lawyers & Liquor supporters in a variety of means, all of which are going to be in nice italics at the end of this week’s article, but if you go over to Patreon you can become one of those who get their names on our list of Patreon supporters on the website itself, found here! If you want to be even fancier, or have something to sell yourself, I’m happy to announce that as part of my neverending march towards selling the fuck out you can, at the $15.00 or above patreon level, get whatever project you currently have going on listed on our “Special Advertisers” page starting shortly – meaning I’m literally selling ad space I’ll pimp in every post.

Appropriate post to announce that shit on, eh?

Am I done selling out? Oh good. Now, let’s get this ball of debt a-rolling as we tell me what a bad boy I am and make me drain my bank account with this month’s discussion of Financial Domination.

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Freaky Friday Finale: Cannibalism and a Biased Court – The Trial of R v. Dudley and Stephens

Welcome back to Freaky Friday here on Lawyers & Liquor, where we make the legally macabre public knowledge! Generally each Friday has a different theme here, but this month we’re finally, after a six month hiatus, finishing up our review of some principles of maritime murder and the eating of your fellow crew. From just straight up murdering your passengers in U.S. v. Holmes to carving up the cabin boy last time in our first part of Regina v. Dudley and Stephens, the high sea is apparently deadly when everyone decides your life is worth less. Which is why, today, I’ve decided to highlight a less macabre but just as frightening occurrence arising out of the latter case, namely how the trial was essentially rigged to ensure that sailors could never again claim a defense of necessity when they kill and eat their crewmates.

I’m your host, the BOO-zy Barrister, and this is Freaky Friday.

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