Ladies and Gentlemen, start your engines for this May, 2018 edition of Fetish Friday here on Lawyers & Liquor, where we examine the law in relation to the sexual escapades of others. Last time we covered what could best be described as a heavier than hell topic, the legality of cartoon porn depicting children or characters that are otherwise assumed to be minors, so I figured this time we’d return to something lighthearted. Something we can talk about without making the skin crawl right off our bodies and nope the hell out of here. Something that’ll really get your motors running.
That’s right, this month for Fetish Friday we’re going to talk about the sexual kink known as Mechanophilia, or the sexual attraction to machinery.
I’m your host, the Boozy Barrister.
Let’s Get Something Out of the Way.
First, I’m a lawyer. I’m not your lawyer. This isn’t legal advice. It’s an esoteric and academic discussion, meant for education and entertainment, into the unique interactions of the law with a specific fetish or sexually related topic presented in an irreverent manner. If you need legal advice, you need to go to a local attorney and hire them. I don’t represent you, and that’s likely a good thing for both of us.
Second, guys, I joke but honestly this is another one of those fetishes that meets and exceeds my “Big Three” test on the “Do I Give a Fuck” scale. That scale judges whether I really give a shit that people practice this kink, and it goes like this:
- Is the shit it deals with illegal?
- Is anyone non-consensually being harmed (seriously harmed) by the kink?
- Does the kink involve an express lack of consent by a living creature?
If the answer to all three is “No,” I don’t give a shit. You do you. It doesn’t affect me, and you’re all good. So remember, while I may joke about stuff on here, if this is your kink it’s all good in the Boozy-hood, and nobody has any right to make you feel bad about it.
What is Mechanophilia.
Mechanopilia is part of a recognized subset of paraphilias and paraphilic disorders under the DMS-V, specifically in the lumped in group of “Other Specified Paraphilic Disorder” found at DSM-V 302.89. All this means is that it’s recognized as an atypical sexual attraction and, in some cases, a disorder by the psychological community. It isn’t deserving of its own recognition as an atypical sexual attraction or disorder, but then there are only like 8 that are recognized because the doctors of the mind recognize that humans, being sick fucks, would quickly fill up several volumes if they had to create a diagnostic code for every sexual kink that’s out there.
More specifically, though, Mechanophilia has been defined as the sexual attraction and attempts to fetishize (using the sexual definition here) machines. This includes bikes, cars, planes, boats, and likely even the blender in the kitchen…although…fucking ouch on that last one, eh? Generally it’s a harmless kink in and of itself so long as it doesn’t move into the disorder realm, meaning that the attraction (“paraphilia”) doesn’t being to negatively impact the life of the person that has it (thus becoming a “paraphilic disorder”).
So…you know, to break it into the lowest common denominator, what is “mechanophilia?”
It’s car fucking, or more precisely, the desire to engage in car fucking.
Is It Illegal?
Not that I’ve seen, no. The mere act of fucking a car or, in the case of one guy I located in researching this shit, 1,000 bicycles (fucking take that, Schwinn. Take all of that) isn’t illegal in and of itself anywhere in the United States. Unlike some other fetishes, paraphilias, and/or paraphilic disorder, mechanophobia is legally pretty goddamn innocent. It’s banging or wanting to bang a machine, an entity without sentience or consciousness that can’t feel pain or any other base emotion. This is, frankly, a fetish that, standing alone, doesn’t hurt anyone.
Except, as mentioned before, the guy who might be trying to go balls deep in the Cuisinart and accidentally hits “Puree.”
You’re welcome for that image.
If It’s Not Illegal, Why Are We Talking About It Here?
First, because my mission isn’t just to write about the law but to try to write about interesting shit.
Second, because while the act of fucking a car, bike, or something else isn’t illegal on its own, it sure as shit seems like people keep getting arrested for doing it. More specifically, people keep getting arrested it for doing it in public or doing it with machines that don’t actually belong to them.
There’s someone out there non-consensually trying to fuck your car right now.
No. I’m not. Look, I’m not going to link everything here, because frankly some of the articles out there are actually pretty offensive when you get down to it, making fun of people for the fetish and not the action that they undertook to fulfill it, but there are literally dozens of articles I found in a cursory internet search of people stripping down to their nuts-and-bolts and going to town on parked cars, bikes, concrete pavers, etc. And the common thread is it was something that didn’t belong to them.
Oh, yeah, and that “doing it in public” shit, which definitely is a no no. As we covered way, way back in the whole “Fetish Gear in Public” post on here, you can’t do lewd shit in public, and “lewd shit” definitely encompasses things like taking your pants off and sticking the old shift stick in the grille of a roadside van (yep, that happened).
That doesn’t even bring into play the whole question of property law, and what you get for doing so. Because the answer there, if your sweetie is actually your neighbor’s 1984 Ford Ranger (an attraction I can certainly understand, that was a damn good truck), is you may get a) your dipstick covered in oil and b) sued.
Sued? For Car Fucking?
Yes, sued for car fucking. Or, more precisely and accurately, sued for “Trespass to Chattels.”
Alright, when we’re talking about property and law, what we’re talking about are really two general types of property that encompass almost everything: real property and chattels. “Real Property” is, without exception, land and the rights to the use of/access to land, as well as things that are attached to that land, such as timber, water rights, oil, coal, etc. “Chattels” are, in a very broad sense, every other tangible piece of property that isn’t land, which we often call personal property, such as your clothes, your computer, your jewelry…and your car.
When people hear the word “trespass” they instantly think about the guy lurking around on property they have no right to be on, and that is a form of trespass, but there’s also “trespass to chattels.” Where a regular trespass is someone entering your land without your permission, a trespass to chattels is someone using or depriving you of the use of your personal property without your permission. It’s literally defined as being the interference of another person with your exclusive right to the use of your property.
To break it down into elements, a trespass to chattels is founded is: (1) without the permission of the owner; (2) another person intentionally; (3) interferes or intermeddles with the possessory interest of the owner in the property.
…That seems like a stretch…
It does, doesn’t it? But those are the elements.
To break them down further, we need to understand two things: The intent is merely the intent to interfere with the object, not a “state of mind” thing. Even if Bob the Buick Banger believes his Rendezvous with the Rendezvous is taking place with his car but it was really someone else’s, mistake of ownership is not a defense. So long as Bob intended to stick his dick in the tailpipe, he has the intent necessary to commit the tort of Trespass to Chattels.
What if the car fucker goes 0-60 in like five seconds?
Likewise, the element of “interference or intermeddling with the possessory interest of the owner” can be met no matter how short such interference actually was. Even if Bob’s a two-pump chump, he’s still met the element of interference in his ten seconds to paradise on the roadside. But only if one of the following four situations, as set forth in the Restatement of Torts (2d), is present:
- The person dispossesses the other of the chattel.
- The chattel is impaired as to its condition, quality, or value.
- The possessor is deprived of the use of the chattel for a substantial time.
- Bodily harm is caused to the possessor, or harm is caused to some person or thing in which the possessor has a legally protected interest.
[It’s worth noting here that the Restatement of Torts is a general statement of common law principals, not law itself, and each jurisdiction will have different case law related to the principle of Trespass to Chattels. Check your local laws, or with a local lawyer.]
So, if none of those four are present, there’s not likely to be any liability under Trespass to Chattels because none of the four elements are met.
But, say Bob sprays his special lube in the gas tank and fucks it all up, or otherwise causes some damage to the vehicle? You definitely can hold Bob responsible for his actions and the repairs. Likewise, if Bob is deaf to your cries of “stop, please!” and deprives you of the use of your car, and then you miss a meeting because you’re waiting for his Viagra to wear off and lose your job…well, that could fall under the actual damages calculation we would have.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with Mechanophilia, like there isn’t a lot wrong with a lot of kinks when practiced carefully and responsibly. The unique nature of every person is what makes the world go round, and who the hell am I to judge if someone gets off staring at pictures of jets online or thinks a junkyard is sexy? The issue, as with most kinks, arises when people practice their kink in an irresponsible way, such as in public or with the property of others. That’s when the law comes into play to tell people that if they want to fuck a car, they, like so many people before them, have to pay for it first.
Otherwise, have at, and I’ll see you little freaks next month.