Furry Friday: Furry Legal Stories – Boozy’s Mailbag Edition

Alright folks, it’s feeding time at the zoo with the first official Furry Friday.

A few notes before I get the ball rolling today. I’ll be appearing tomorrow at Furthemore 2017 to do an adults-only Q & A tomorrow night. I expect you all to be there and to bring questions that appropriately let me tell rambling stories filled with sauce and booze. Failure to do so will result in me simply reading War and Peace on stage for an hour and a half.

Now that’s out of the way, let’s cut into the meat of today’s fucked up foray into the faux fur furry fandom. So, earlier this week I was sitting around thinking about a post topic that brought up the perfect intersection of furries and law. There were a lot of suggestions, from “fursuit contracts” all the way down to a forensic examination of the “Boomer the Dog” name change issue, but I decided, based on the amount of love you assholes were pouring into my inbox and my direct messages, to take a look at some legal situations experienced by actual furries.

Each and every thing we’re going to look at today is an actual issue that has been faced by a furry in the past, which has implicated their participation in the furry fandom. These are all drawn from actual furries. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent, because none of your motherfuckers are innocent (Dudes…I found your hdtubemovies porn collection), but I’ve excluded them nonetheless.

So, without further adieu, let’s look at how the fuck furries are getting fucked because they’re furries, okay?

“Custody Battle, but with Porn.”

I can’t take credit for the name of this section. That was the literal title of the fucking email I received from the fur that was sharing their story with me. No shit.

I laughed for ten minutes straight, and decided that I fell in love with it. I even had to let the fur know how much they had brightened my day by seeing that heading in my email (although I did have to check and make sure it wasn’t a regular client email a couple times).

This email came from “Ruby.” Ruby is a fur who was with another fur, and had a kid who, I’m assuming, will likely turn out to be another fur. After they had the kid, there was no formal custody agreement, they just sort of…shared time. This kept up right up until the father decided he wanted more time with his kid, and instead of doing anything legal about it he brought Ruby over, presented her with a contract he appeared to have drawn up, and demanded that she sign it. We’ll…we’ll talk a little more about this later, but those are the facts right now.

Ruby, reviewing the contract later, didn’t like it and was uncomfortable with it, so she opted into a “recission” portion of the agreement, which triggered a custody battle in the courts. So, how does furry come into this?

Turns out that Ruby is an artist. Ruby had drawn…pictures of a non-family-friendly variety featuring her fursona, her boyfriend’s fursona, and others, and stuck them up on her FurAffinity account. Some of them have made their way onto https://www.animehentaivideos.xxx/, as such things do. So, boyfriend, who we’ll call “Bad Negotiator” for reasons that will become sooooo fucking obvious in a moment, hired a lawyer that immediately made the furry fandom an issue, and the pictures an issue, despite the fact he was a furry too.

Alright, so how does this get…weird?

Remember that contract?

He asked for a blowjob to give up additional time with the child. No. Fucking. Way. This…this is just fantastically fucked up, because I’m now imagining the bargaining process. “I’m not okay with you having four days a week.” “Sure, suck my dick and I’ll only ask for weekends.” Jesus fucking christ.

Now, once it got to court the judge saw through some bullshit, but that didn’t stop BN’s lawyer from arguing that the furry fandom was harming the child, that the porn drawing was harming the child, and that the furry fandom obviously meant Ruby was into animal fucking. Based on the facts, like…you know…the boyfriend being a part of the fucking fandom, the judge found in Ruby’s favor.

Good outcome, right?


Ruby spent two fucking years and god knows how much money on experts to rebut claims she was an unfit parent because of her participation in the furry fandom. She had to do this because another fucking furry saw an advantage in allowing his lawyer to manipulate the situation and present that evidence. She eventually won the case but…you see the problem, right?

But this isn’t unique. In custody and divorce situations, it isn’t uncommon for two fetishists (look, if it becomes sexual, it’s a fetish. I’m drawing the line between fandom and fetish, but the line will get crossed by people) to use their mutual engagement in an activity against each other. Generally, the first one to bring it up will get the advantage of the use. It happens all the fucking time, folks, to furries, couples who use a feeldoe strapon, people into BDSM, the fetish list goes on.

But seriously. Fuck you if you’re a furry and you use being a furry against other people. Show some fucking solidarity, assholes.

But with Ruby the judge saw through bullshit, what about when they don’t?

“I’m part of some animal people cult.”

I’m gonna be cagey as shit about this one, because it sounds like an ongoing legal matter for the writer. The gist of it is a furry guy is at home, his little sister has a sleepover, a babysitter is present who visits with the guy in his room, in his version nothing sexual happens, but nevertheless the babysitter says shit did.

The main evidence in his email is that she has told the court he’s “part of some animal people cult” that worships sex.

Okay, let’s pause this one. Furry or not, here are some life rules you assholes need to absorb, because my inbox is literally fucking flooded with people talking about friends that are accused of inappropriate interactions with minors.

I get that the furry fandom is mostly young. I get that there are kids out there the older people in the fandom may want to help out, talk to, etc. I get that it may be completely fucking innocent to do so.

I’m also a fucking lawyer. So, here’s the new guideline for your life, furries, because searching Google for “What is a Furry” brings up this shit:

Note: most of those links talk about furries as a sexual fucking thing. This is the image the uneducated law clerk looking into the shit will have. The DA will present only the shit that is most disadvantageous to the judge for a warrant. This is what you assholes need to be aware of.

So your new guideline for life is as follows, and everyone fucking say it with me:

If you are over the age of 18, and you are a furry, you never put yourself in a situation where you are alone with a goddamn minor in a private environment, you do not engage in even innocent fucking talk about sexuality or personal matters, and you support from a fucking distance.

In fact, that’s just a good general fucking rule for adults, period.

“Rape Accusations and Internet Vigilantism.”


So, I really appreciate how you guys all behaved yourselves at first with me, but man did you guys still manage to start some drama.

So, if I’m reading everything on Twitter right, somebody went into a “zoophile” telegram chat (I…I can guess what that is from the name), took screenshots, then posted the user list on Twitter with a call for people to “take action.” This has ended about as well as can be expected, as my DM’s show:

That dovetails nicely into talking about the next email: A guy who has said he was falsely accused of rape, the victim broadcast it to the community, and you guys collectively lost your shit.

Essentially, he was in a relationship with another furry, and when it ended…well…shit got confrontational fast. After the end of the relationship apparently accusations of rape started flying on social media and furry specific sites, naming names and making allegations. I want to note, again, this is not unique to furries. Lawyers see this sort of shit in normal relationships that go bad all the fucking time.

I get it. These are very serious accusations, and they evoke a visceral response from people who want to jump in and see justice done. Everyone jumping in on this thinks they’re helping by supporting an alleged victim. They socially ostracize the offenders based on the information they have. But, let me ask you a question:

How many of you are cops?

How many of you are lawyers?

How many of you are judges?

Oh. Oh shit, man, well…I guess you guys are kind of avoiding the whole “we have an actual justice system with trained professionals whose job it is to investigate accusations of criminal activities and level charges” part of this reality. Believe it or not, people lie and shit on the internet can be faked and manipulated. I’m not saying that you should disregard a victim or demand proof. I’m saying your reaction should be to encourage them to report the matter to the motherfucking police whose job it is to investigate such accusations and encourage the victims to get help, but it should not be to play the part of a fuzzy judge and jury, hounding folks to the ends of the internet because you got one side of a fucking story.

Seriously. This is “Adult 101” shit. I shouldn’t have to tell you this, guys.

Why is this a furry thing, Boozy?

It isn’t, and it is. It’s an internet thing, and I think we can all fucking agree at this point that the internet is really the home base for the Furry fandom. That means the risk for this happening, the brigading, doxxing, and harassment of people, is higher on the internet. Think I don’t know what I’m talking about?

Motherfuckers, I googled “Chew Fox.”

So let me remind you of a few facts I tell my goddamn clients:

  1. The internet is real, and shit that happens on it has consequences offline;
  2. You are never getting the full story if you’re only hearing from one side;
  3. You have no idea what the actual intentions of the person telling you shit, or encouraging you to act, are.

So I’ll let the guy who says he’s being falsely accused of rape say it in his own words:

I believe that any allegation of rape or assault should be taken seriously, but as with any crime it should be reported to the authorities and a lawyer should be consulted. I do not think that putting your grievances over serious criminal allegations out on the internet will solve anything because in the end the accused, had they actually done something, would not be deterred from re-offending. Jail would do that. Police have the potential solve those problems better than any online “warning” post could.

Good words, and accurate ones. Crimes get reported to the police, fucktards. Not Twitter.

“I was actually fucking raped.”

[Note: You will be fucking triggered. I hate trigger warnings, but…it’s appropriate here.]

I’m…I’m having a hard time with this one, and it’s because the email that was sent to me is very visceral and so damn heartbreaking. I read it, and had to go out for a cigarette because…look, I’m jaded. I’m an asshole, but I have a heart, and reading this shit just flat-out fucking broke it.

I’m letting this guy talk in his own words, editing only to make sure he stays anonymous.

I met him in about [redacted]. My partner at the time ended up dumping me before I even fooled around with him, because HE had issues with the guy but never told me about them until I said I was going to hang out with him. Did the whole break-up-via-IM while I was gone, didn’t even bother to call or text me to tell me not to do it. Ended up having a sexual relationship with this person, right up until [redacted]. A friend of mine was in town visiting this furry. I didn’t feel well but I wanted to visit my buddy, so I drove out to his place. This guy was all “Oh hey let’s go into my bedroom and screw.” I told him I wasn’t in the mood and was just there to hang out and be social. He started providing everyone with booze, and we played King’s Cup. I got WAY too drunk, to the point which I marched across his apartment complex to the [redacted] determined to get some pizza rolls. Somehow, I got the night crew guy to let me in and buy some pizza rolls.

I’m gonna stop there for a moment. This furry is male. This furry, at the time this shit happened, was an adult, but was a teenager. A teenager who should have never been drinking with a guy that was old enough to buy booze, but a teenager.

Keep this in mind.

By the time the other friends found me I was stumbling around the [redacted] trying to catch a stray dog so I could take him back to the vet clinic I worked at in the morning. They dragged me back to the apartment where I proceeded to have more shots, and then stripped naked because my clothes were too heavy. Shortly after this point, this friend “helped” me back to his bedroom and proceeded to force himself on me and I was so drunk at this point I wasn’t even able to lift my arms to fight or push him away, I just laid face first in the bed sobbing.

Anyone else feel punched in the goddamn gut right now? Anyone? You should. Because this is a man telling us how he was fucking raped as a drunk teenager.

After he was done and left, [one person] came in and asked what was wrong, and I couldn’t even speak. Eventually I passed out in that spot. Woke up a couple hours later to puke all over his bathroom, then passed out again. After which I woke up and left to go to work. I received a call from him later that day, threatening me AND my friend who came down to visit him that if I didn’t go back immediately worse would happen to him. My family has been involved with law enforcement for YEARS and I grew up with all those stupid after school specials about bad touch and what not, and knew I should have gone to the police, but I was stupid and still went back to his place. There he proceeded to make me strip and coerce me into pleasuring him and his boyfriend. Somehow, he knew where I lived, and where I worked. None of which I told him at all, so I was worried he would try to make good on his threats

…You keep fucking reading this. I mean it.

You Keep. Fucking. Reading.

Fast forward to [redacted], and I finally work up the courage to call the sheriff’s department and report what happened. Was first told “It’s not rape because a woman wasn’t the victim, it’s sexual assault.” So that sucked. But still, there wasn’t much the could do because there was obviously no evidence of physical trauma since so much time had passed, and my witnesses were so plastered they couldn’t remember much, although one apologized for not being more helpful and not having a clue what was going at a con in [redacted]. The only hope we had was calling him and getting him to admit having sex with me when I was drunk over the phone onto a recording. But he never answered the phone so the case went dead there.

A couple years after that I finally told my mother what happened. She got really quiet and told me to come to her office the next day. I showed up and she sat me down with our DA at the time. I told him everything that happened, he said it was out of his jurisdiction because it occurred in a different county, but got on the phone with that county’s DA and was talking to him. They asked me to get any evidence I could showing him admitting he did something, all I could find was a twitter message this guy wrote cursing me out for “accusing me of rape because you got drunk at a party and had sex with me.” But you can make fake tweets for screenshots for days.

I’m gonna stop there, because the rest of this email is…it gives away some shit about the writer. I’m not doing that. I am going to say that, at the end of his email, he blamed himself for his rapist still being free.

I’ve read a lot of victim statements. I believe this kid…even though he’s not a kid anymore. He’s an adult. A member of your community who, when he was a kid, a stupid drunk 19 year old, was fucking raped at a party full of people and had only one fucking person even bother to see if he was okay. And over a decade later, he’s still living with this shit, every fucking day.

Every. Fucking. Day.


You know what bothers me, too? The complete failure of our justice system to help him. When he first reported it, he was told “it’s not rape.” He was told that he had to investigate it. That’s our failure, as a system and society, and while many states are updating their laws to cover this, we failed you, man. We, as police officers, lawyers, and judges, fucking failed you. I’m sorry. I’m truly fucking sorry. There are no words to express how fucking sorry I am that when you reached out to us, you were treated in this manner.

The rest of you…for fuck’s sake, look out for each other. Have a sober motherfucker at every fucking party. Check on each other, and support each other. Don’t assume everyone in your fandom is nice, because there are a lot of shitty people everywhere and you’re going to have your fair share of them.

Sorority girls know this shit. It shouldn’t be hard for fucking furries to grasp, too.

And to those of you who are victims: You did nothing wrong. This is not your fault. This is the fault of your attacker. Please, for the love of God, report. Report, report, report. I swear to you, we’ll try to do better for you than we did for this poor guy.

And I’m Spent.

So there. Four Furry Legal Stories for this Furry Friday.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I got lawyer shit to do before I hit the road this evening.

Be good to each other.